IT'S ALL IN THE HEAD

Self Confidence

2010-03-31T19:10:00.000+08:00

Self confidence gives us the freedom to commit mistakes and cope with failure without making us feel worthless. If only we have confidence in ourselves, can we gain confidence of others. After all, most people are reluctant to back a project thats being pitched by someone who is nervous, fumbling and overly apologetic. On the other hand, you might be persuaded by someone who spoke clearly, who held his or her head high, who answered questions assuredly, and who readily admitted when he/she did not know something.

So where do you rate yourself on the scale of 1-10 for your confidence level? Do you think you fall in the low confidence bracket? Here is some good news for you. And the good news is that self-confidence can be learned and built on.

Lets start the process of building self-confidence. Remember there is no quick fix solution for it. Nonetheless, practice makes a man perfect. So all you have to do is try and implement the following given tips in your day to day life.

Recognize your insecurities: We all have insecurities in life. It can be anything from acne, to regrets, to friends at school. Giving a name to the things which make you feel unworthy, ashamed or inferior helps to combat them. You can try to pen down your thoughts and you will find that it makes you feel much lighter and happier. Remember that no one is perfect. The man or woman sitting next to you might have the same amount of insecurities as you have. If writing doesnt come easily to you, you might want to talk it out with your friends or loved ones. Sharing your thoughts will help relieve the burden you have been carrying all alone.

Identify your successes: No matter how insecure you might feel, God has blessed each one of us with some talent. Discover the things you are good at and then focus on improving them. Give yourself permission to take pride in your talents. Give yourself credit for your successes. Inferiority is a state of mind in which youve declared yourself a victim. Do not allow yourself to be victimized.

Be thankful for what you have: A lot of the times, at the root of insecurity and lack of confidence is a feeling of not having enough of something, whether its emotional validation, good luck, money, etc. By acknowledging and appreciating what you do have, you can combat the feeling of being incomplete and unsatisfied. Finding that inner peace will do wonders for your confidence.

Be positive: Avoid self-pity or sympathy of others. Never allow others to make you feel inferior they can only do so if you let them. If you continue to loathe and belittle yourself, others are going to do and believe likewise. Instead, speak positively about yourself, about your future, and about your progress. Do not be afraid to project your strengths and qualities to others.

Dress sharp: Although clothes don't make the man, they certainly affect the way he feels about himself. When you dont look good, you dont feel good. It changes the way you carry yourself and interact with people. This doesn'tt mean you need to spend a lot on clothes. Rather than buying a bunch of cheap clothes, buy half as many select, high quality items. In long run this decreases spending because expensive clothes wear out less easily and stay in style longer than cheap clothes.

Walk faster: Your gait tells a lot about your personality. Is it slow? Tired? Painful? Or is it energetic and purposeful? People with confidence walk quickly. They have places to go, people to see, and important work to do. You can increase yourself confidence by putting some pep in your step. Walking 25% faster will make to you look and feel more important.

Compliment other people: When we think negatively about ourselves, we often project that feeling on to others in the form of insults and gossip. Refuse to engage in backstabbing gossip and make an effort to compliment those around you. In the process, youll become well liked and build self confidence. By looking for the best in others, you indirectly bring out the best in yourself.

Take the front seat: Back benchers might seem to have a lot of fun in schools and colleges but that does nothing to boost their self confidence. Don't be afraid to get noticed. By deciding to sit in the front row, you can get over your irrational fear of getting noticed and build your self confidence.

Speak up: Its a general observation that many people are afraid to speak or ask questions in a group discussion or a public gathering. They are afraid that they might be judged for saying something stupid. Generally, people are much more accepting than we imagine. In fact most people are dealing with the exact same fears. By making an effort to speak up at least once in every group discussion, you'll become a better public speaker, more confident in your own thoughts, and recognized as a leader by your peers.

Work out: A healthy mind resides in a healthy body. If you are fit, you are surrounded by positivity and energy. If you are out of shape you feel unattractive. This leads to demoralization. Just a little discipline in your life can help shape up your self confidence in a big way.

Smile: Last but not the least; try to smile as much as possible. People are always appreciative of a smiling face. You will be welcomed by anyone who comes in your contact. A smiling face is always received with warmth and affection. Acceptance and recognition from others helps in building self confidence.

Overcoming Depression

2009-09-02T22:04:00.000+08:00

Everybody feels "down" or "blue" sometimes. But, if these feelings are very strong or last for most of the day nearly every day for two weeks or longer, they may be due to a medical illness called depression.

The good news is that depression can be treated. You do not have to face this problem without help.

Warning Signs of Depression

Changes in the way you feel:

You feel sad, hopeless, or guilty most of the time.
You feel tired or lack energy.
You have thoughts of suicide or death.

Changes in sleeping and eating habits:

You sleep either too much or too little.
Your appetite has changed. You have gained or lost weight.

Changes in daily living:

You have lost interest and pleasure in daily activities.
You have problems making decisions or thinking clearly.

If you have had most of these symptoms for at least two weeks, you may be suffering from depression. Talk to your doctor about whether you are depressed and what you should do about it.

The sooner you get treatment for depression, the sooner you will begin to feel better. The longer you wait, the harder depression is to treat.

Depression usually is treated with counseling, medicine, or both. Medicines for depression are not addicting or habit forming. They work for people with severe depression and may be useful for people with mild to moderate depression.

Treatment works gradually over several weeks. If you do not start to feel better after this time, tell your doctor. It may take some time to find what works best for you.

Definition of Anger…..?

2009-02-21T20:49:00.000+08:00

"If you cannot control your anger you are helpless

Like A city without walls…..,Open to attack."

"A fool gives full vent to his anger…..!!!,

But a wise man keeps himself…….under control."

Someone said, "Your temper is one of your most

Valuable Possessions. So……..Don't lose it."

"Anybody can become angry…..that is very easy,

But to be angry with the right person,

to the right degree,

at the right time,

for the right purpose,

& in the right way……

that is not within everybody's power…....& is not easy."

If we can't control our anger……,It will control us.

When anger is turned inward…., it leads to depression.

When it is turned outward…., it leads to aggression.

Anger is like a splinter in your finger. If you leave it there,

It gets infected & hurts every time you use your finger.

If you remove it……, the sore heals & you feel better.

Mentally Tough

2008-11-24T19:52:00.001+08:00

One of the least talked about factors of success is being mentally tough. Mental toughness will allow you to endure adversity, hardship, setbacks and ultimately achieve success.

The next question is – What does it mean to be mentally tough?

Ø It means when trouble and heartaches head your way – you are not permanently knocked off the bicycle of life.

Ø It means when your plan is not going exactly the way you planned – you press on.

Ø It means when others criticize you – you refuse to allow someone else to dictate your thoughts or direction.

Ø It means you know who you are.

Ø It means you accept 100% responsibility for every action you have ever committed.

Now, if being mentally tough is so crucial to success –

How do you become mentally tough?

Some of the most mentally tough people I have ever known have mastered and adopted three behaviors;-

Ø They never blame someone else for their actions

Ø They are physically fit

Ø They accomplish their daily GOALS.

Never blame someone else for your actions.

The first key to being mentally tough is refusing to be a victim and accepting 100% responsibility for your actions.. It is not your parents' fault, your boss's fault, the fault of the government or someone you knew when you were a teenager. How in the world can you be mentally tough when you blame others for your lot in life? It is empowering to accept responsibility for your fate.

When you consciously or subconsciously blame another (government, economy, family, etc.) for the outcome of your life, you are significantly reducing the chances of a happy life. This is true because you have given someone else the power to control your thoughts and actions.

Physically fit

Become mentally tough by becoming physically tough. Yes, there is a confidence that you will have when your muscles are toned and a walk on the beach does not exhaust you.

The confidence that comes from being fit is one that can't be found anywhere else. Watch what you eat and exercise. It is crucial in being mentally tough.

Setting Goals

Set goals and then accomplish them! How many times do people make New Years resolutions only to break them by January 20th? This is a much bigger deal than you may think. It is a big deal because subconsciously you are telling your mind, "I can't even keep a New Years resolution!" When you tell yourself this subconsciously, you then begin to lose confidence in yourself and every aspect of your life is affected. When someone compliments you – it makes you feel awkward because deep down you think, "Gee, if they only knew that I can't even keep a New Years resolution."

Conversely, if you set a small goal daily and you accomplish it, your self-confidence begins to build. Subconsciously you are telling yourself, "I am valuable – I am worth it – I can hit my goals – I am successful.' When you see yourself this way, you are well on the way to becoming mentally tough.

When you accomplish this goal day after day, even though it is so small, it is making a mental deposit into your self-esteem bank account that says you can accomplish goals and are valuable.

Being mentally tough is often the last piece of the puzzle to focus on for success. Yet, I know very few successful people who are not mentally tough. It is easier to get there than you think. Become responsible for your life, stay in shape and set and accomplish your goals.

Dealing With Negative Thinking, Panic, And Paralyzing Fears

2008-11-11T23:13:00.000+08:00

I recently heard about someone who had been laid off at the company he worked at because of the faltering economy. He didn't have many job leads and his motivation was at an all-time low. He felt that there was nothing more frightening than being at an uncertain job market.

Panic and fear quickly took over; where would he go from go from there?

How would he pay his bills?

How would he cope with uncertainty?

His mind was plagued with self-doubting, self-defeating thoughts and he began to spiral out of control, right into a dangerous state of anxiety that threatened to paralyze him into stagnant ground forever.

As he began to realize what a toll his predicament was leaving him in, it became clear to him that he needed to take action and do something to get himself out of the hole he was in.

Once he sat down and began to reflect on things, working through the paralyzing fear and the negativity that came along with the devastation of losing his dream job and having to start over from the beginning, everything started to make sense and he was on a roll!

Sometimes it takes a moment of crisis to help us refocus our thoughts and energies into what we want our professional and personal goals to be and what we need to accomplish.

The following points will help you focus and concentrate on the positive rather than dwell on the negative, motivating you to move forward into action rather than leaving you stuck in a rut.

Reading through them should help you gain some perspectives into your particular situation:

- Allow yourself to be upset and grieve if things have gone wrong. Sometimes you suffer from start-up inertia because you have to make a new start and you're stubbornly holding on to the way things were. It is perfectly normal to feel panicked, upset, angry, sad, even outraged; you wouldn't be human if you didn't feel that way. Take some time to get in touch with those feelings. The night this person got laid off he went home, Fell into bed and literally could not move for 45 minutes. Then he got up, took a bath, changed into some comfortable clothes, and then he spent some time sitting in front of the television watching his favorite show.

Give your mind and body time to settle into the initial shock of change, whatever it may be. But focus primarily on how you feel and let those feelings out.

- Take a DEEP BREATH! - Your mind deserves it, your body deserves it, your lungs deserve it. Taking deep breaths improves circulation, calms anxiety and helps you focus. Once you're done moping, take a deep breath and start to move.

- Organize your home, organize your life - Is your house a mess? What about your room or your home office? Can you not see yourself going through the piles of papers on top of your desk? Have you looked at your bills lately and seen what you have? If you haven't done any of these things, now is the time to do it. There is nothing more stressful when we are in a state of panic than a living space that has no room for us to live in it. So tackle the mess; wash those clothes, clean out that pantry, throw out the clutter, get those bills out of the way. You'll be surprised how much more motivated you will be when you surround yourself with cleanliness and order.

- Surround yourself with positive people - Now would be a good time to reconnect with friends that you haven't spoken to in a while, or even with the friends that you talked to just yesterday, those friends that always have an encouraging word, who are helpful and positive. Do yourself a favor and avoid people who are always down in the dumps, or who always have something negative to say.

However:

- Don't confuse negativity with constructive criticism - Some friends may seem like they're helping but they're just feeding the cynicism. Conversely, friends that may appear to be negative are actually offering ways to help by sharing your experiences and showing you a better way to focus. Listen to the people that are there for you, take what you can use, and dismiss those things that you don't want to use or that you can't use. Don't allow yourself to be brought down by it. Take charge of your life again.

- Have someone objective to talk to - When possible, sometimes having an objective third party to talk to and run ideas by can be tremendously helpful. In some cases, a therapist can be of vital importance in your growth process towards finding yourself and focusing on your career and life goals. They can provide you with a perspective that is sound, rational and unbiased, while still keeping your best interests in mind.

- Keep a journal of your progress - Write your ideas and your thoughts down and read over them the day after. You will gain some valuable perspective and insight into your own growth and where you are at.

- Get out of the house! - Take your laptop or notebook to the local coffee shop or park, somewhere with some interaction and get out into the world! This will give you a chance to get out of the house and possibly meet some people, network and create some opportunities towards accomplishing your goals.

- Actively look for opportunities to do the things that you love most and turn them into opportunities for you - Do you enjoy attending art shows? Love doing volunteer work? Do you like playing with friends or going to the library or attending meetings? These are all things that would not only satisfy the craving for you to do something that you enjoy, but it would also present you with opportunities to network, meet people that could help you get ahead, and spend time taking care of yourself and your mental and emotional health.

- Finally, SMILE and BELIEVE! - Easier said than done. Believe me, nothing about our friend's situation warranted a smile and some faith. But had he not kept himself smiling, it would have been so much harder to be positive and pull out of that state of anxiety. Believe in yourself and the things that you have accomplished and remember that you are capable of achieving anything you set your mind to do. So dress up, get your smile and go out into the world!

Taking heed of these valuable insights will help you create and maintain a positive energy source in your life and keep inertia at bay. You will feel better, be more motivated and definitely more at peace.

All it takes is for you to make that first move. Don't let panic paralyze you into inertia. Anything is possible; it's up to you to make it happen!

Being Happy

2008-10-24T21:04:00.001+08:00

By Donald Latumahina, July 23, 2008

Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
Leo Tolstoy

There are many ways for people to be unhappy, but happy people have common characteristics. That’s why a good way to be happy is to learn the common characteristics of happy people and apply them.

So I studied what the great minds in history say about being happy. I went through hundreds of quotes on being happy and extracted the best lessons out of them. Not only are these lessons useful, they are also timeless in nature.

Here I’d like to share what I learned with you. Without further ado, here are 17 timeless secrets of happy people:

1. Forget the past

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.
Rita Mae Brown

You won’t be happy if you carry the burden of the past. Did you make mistakes? Did you have terrible experiences? Whatever they are, you should let them go. There’s nothing you can do about the past, so you’d better let them go and focus your energy on the present.

2. Take responsibility for your life

The secret of Happiness is Freedom, and the secret of Freedom, Courage.
Thucydides

To be happy you should have freedom and the most essential freedom is the freedom to choose. No matter how bad a situation is, you can always choose how you respond to it. People can annoy you, but it’s up to you whether or not you will resent.

But, as the quote above says, freedom takes courage. Freedom to choose requires the courage to take responsibility for your life. You shouldn’t blame someone else when something goes wrong. Take the responsibility and you have the power to choose.

3. Build relationships

Life’s truest happiness is found in friendships we make along the way.
Unknown

Relationships is where we can get true happiness in life. The reason is simple: only through relationships can we love and be loved. Make relationships your top priority and you are on your way to true happiness.

4. Develop multiple passions

The more passions and desires one has, the more ways one has of being happy.
Charlotte-Catherine

Passions lead you to happiness. So not only should you discover your multiple passions, you should also expand yourself to new passions. This way you will create new ways to happiness.

The key to expanding to new passions is curiosity. If you are curious, you will have an endless stream of exciting things waiting for you.

5. Build your character

Character is the basis of happiness and happiness the sanction of character.
George Santayana

Building your character is essential for happiness. When you are true to yourself and others, you will be in peace.

The way to start building character is by making promises and keeping them. For example, you make promise to yourself that you won’t smoke. When you keep it, you are building your character. Or you make promise to others to be punctual. When you keep it, you build your character.

6. Be who you are

The summit of happiness is reached when a person is ready to be what he is.
Desiderius Erasmus

You can only be happy if you become who you are. Don’t live other people’s life by trying to meet their expectations. People may expect you to have certain job or certain way of living but don’t be intimidated by them. Find who you are and be yourself.

7. Live your life purpose

The only true happiness comes from squandering ourselves for a purpose.
William Cowper

To have a fulfilling life, you should find your life purpose and follow it faithfully. Find what matters to you and build the courage to follow it. Having a one-liner will help you internalize and communicate your mission.

8. Count your blessings

Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Unknown

Being happy is easy if we are grateful. Unfortunately, seeing what we don’t have is often easier than seeing what we have. Sometimes we need to experience loss before appreciating what we have. So don’t take things for granted. Look at what you have and soon you will have plenty of reasons to be happy. You may start with these simple things.

9. Have positive mind

It is not the place, nor the condition, but the mind alone that can make anyone happy or miserable.
Roger L’Estrange

Happy people know how to control their mind. They don’t let negative thoughts come in. While a situation may seem bad to others, happy people look at them in a positive way. They always believe that no matter how bad a situation seems, there is always something positive to take from it. Your mind can make or break you, so guard it well.

10. Work creatively

Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort.
Franklin D. Roosevelt

When you work creatively on something you will find happiness. There is a well-known phenomenon regarding this called flow. When you are in the state of flow, you are fully focused on the task at hand that you no longer realize the passage of time. This state of flow allows you to achieve high productivity and being happy at the same time. Here are some tips to achieve it.

11. Start with what you have

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet.
James Oppenheim

Happy people don’t need something they don’t have to be happy. They don’t need certain job or certain level of income. Instead, they learn to be happy with what they already have. They have learned the art of contentment. Be content with what you have and you will be happy.

12. Change

They must often change who would be constant in happiness or wisdom.
Confucius

Being happy requires you to constantly grow. In fact, the process of learning itself is essential for happiness. Have you ever felt the excitement of being enlightened about something? Have you ever felt the excitement of achieving a new level in life? Top 10 Things You Should Change in Your Life gives you some practical tips on changing your life.

13. Use your talents

True happiness involves the full use of one’s power and talents.
Douglas Pagels

There are two lessons to take from this quote. First, you should find your talents and second, you should use them to the fullest. Working in your talents is a sure way to enjoy your work because it’s something you are “hardwired” to do. Using your talents fully will make you even happier because of the satisfaction of doing your best.

14. Beware of small things

The happiness of most people we know is not ruined by great catastrophes or fatal errors, but by the repetition of slowly destructive little things.
Ernest Dimnet

This is very true. Often it’s not big things that ruin your happiness. It’s the small things that do. Perhaps you don’t like someone or break some “small” promises. But even small leaks can sink your ship of happiness, so beware of them.

15. Distill your ambitions

Where ambition ends happiness begins.
Author Unknown

While wanting to achieve more in your life is good, being obsessed by it is not. Do your best to improve yourself but don’t be obsessed by it.

16. Make others happy

Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

This is my favorite secret of happiness. The way to being happy is to make others happy first. The more you help other people and make them happy, the more you will be happy. Happiness doesn’t come through selfishness but through selflessness. You reap what you sow.

17. Practice compassion

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.
The Dalai Lama

Compassion is perhaps the highest level of selflessness we could have. As this quote aptly says, practicing compassion can make both others and you happy.

But of course, it requires practice. Start with thinking about the people around you. Look at their needs and find ways to meet them. Even if you don’t do it out of compassion in the beginning, your compassion will grow over time.

***

All in all, this quote by Aristotle can summarize the lessons above:

Happiness depends upon ourselves.

It’s you who decide whether or not you are happy in life.

I choose to be happy. What about you?

2008-10-12T21:47:00.001+08:00

True love is felt by all who receive and value it.

2008-09-17T07:45:00.000+08:00

Sometimes we find ourselves in situations where others are not
responding to the love we are giving. We are trying to be understanding and accepting as much as possible but others don't seem to be recognizing it.

In such a situation we begin to blame others and their lack of feelings and concern. This is very common amongst parents who are in their retirement age.Many factors influence such behaviour.Some are due to the current hype age our children are living in and being brought up in (where moral values and responsibilities take the back seat !)and more often then not a partner in a son's life may mean sacrificing the love the son is expected to give back to his parents & instead devote it to his wife.

Solution:

Instead of blaming others when our love and concern is not being reciprocated, we need to check the quality of the love that we give. If there is even a trace of selfishness or if it is mixed with expectations, our love will not be able to reach out and touch the hearts of others. So we need to make sure that our love is pure and unselfish.

As parents we must learn to be more understanding towards our children's likes and dislikes.Talking about their studies in a public gathering like after a party especially in presence of the children and their friends by a father or mother maybe completely normal out of love to them but in today's hype age for our children it is not on !!

As parents we should learn to control our emotions and learn to live and let live by giving the correct doses of love and affection at the correct moment & above all at the right places without expecting any returns !! A thing very difficult to accept!

Inspiration

2008-06-25T20:29:00.001+08:00

Have you ever asked yourself what is inspiration?

When the word inspiration is broken down into it's component parts, it simply means "in - spirit".

When you are living "in - spirit" You feel excited about yourself and your life. You have a special connection with all parts of your mind and body.

The question is how can we connect to our spirit at all times to take that actions that make all things possible ?

Below are ten keys to opening your doors to your inspiration.

1. The first key to inspiration is enjoyment. It would take a spiritual master to get inspired about doing the dishes. So find something that really excites you. It can be anything that you really enjoy.

2. The second key is love. When you are actively pouring love into what you are doing, this will guarantee that you are opening yourself to experiencing more inspiration.

3. The third key is to trust yourself. Listen to that little voice inside yourself and know that this comes from heart. This is called intuition.

4. The fourth key is to follow what your intuition tells you. The more you listen to it, the stronger your intuition will become. If you don't pay attention, that little voice gets fainter and fainter until you can no longer hear it.

5. The fifth key is to keep telling yourself "I can". These are some of the most powerful words that you can ever use. When you say this to yourself often enough, you build abridge between yourself and your inspiration.

6. The sixth key is not to listen to anyone that says "no you can't". They might think that they may not be able to, and try to project this negative belief onto you, but remember to keep telling yourself that, "I can! "

7. The seventh key is to believe in yourself. When you are backed by a strong belief in yourself and your dreams, nothing is impossible.

8. The eighth key is to avoid negativity. Ask yourself, do you really need to read the newspaper or watch the news on TV everyday ? Nothing kills inspiration quicker than being surrounded by bad news.

9. The ninth key is acceptance. Accept that on some days you feel much more inspired than on others. This is normal, nobody can be completely inspired every minute of the day.

10. The tenth key is possibly the most important of all. Take action every day, no matter how small a step it seems. Action is the fuel to the fires of inspiration. Make it a daily practise to keep your fire burning. The taking of actions, no matter how small, will fill you with inspiration for taking the next step.

Mind – The money making factory.

2008-05-18T18:34:00.000+08:00

Some people at a very early age know exactly what they want to be, do, or have. They started dreaming early. Sadly, some of these same people allow their dreams to remain dormant like unlit charcoal lying in a barbecue pit. Their dreams have the potential to come true if ignited. But, most find it much easier to drift through life dreaming about wealth and success instead of taking action to make it happen.

If you have been dreaming about owning and operating a successful business, whether online or off -- if you've always dreamed of being your own boss -- if you want to build financial success in your already existing business, and it hasn't happened, then you must develop the mindset to make it happen.

Your mind, which functions like a computer, requires an efficient and positive program be fed into it on a regular basis. If you are losing money instead of making money, chances are your mind is not being programmed correctly.

When you do not take control of the thoughts in your mind, you will be taken on an unpredictable, "take-a- chance" course through life. When you do control your mind -- when it is filled with goal-achieving thoughts, you will be guided, without error, along a pre-determined course of your own choosing.

The secret to success in business is dependent upon the indoctrinations or beliefs currently running in your mind. Your ability to create financial success is determined by whether or not your mind is filled with positive programs.

It is easy to detect poor programming. If you are a negative, pessimistic thinker, a person of low self-esteem, constantly stressed, anxious, fearful, skeptical, use deceptive practices in business, avoid making decisions and taking action, etc., your mental programming is set for achievement- losing mode.

The opinions you hold about how to do business, the judgments you make, and the actions you take in your personal life and in business, are based on the indoctrinations you have received and mentally accepted.

As a baby, you knew nothing about success or failure. Along the way, you either grew into a success or failure after receiving a steady stream of indoctrination from parents, teachers, religious leaders, friends, relatives, and parts of the media.

To use your mind to create financial success in business, you must prepare a program for your mind, which stimulates and strengthens your aspirations and goals.

It is now time for you to take control of the responsibility for your destiny. Choose your own self-direction. If you indoctrinate yourself with the right concepts, words, ideas, and thoughts, you will set in motion the right actions.

Program your mind for goal achievement. Keep your thoughts focused on winning, and through the Law of Attraction, you will attract success and money to you with little effort. For you become what you think about most frequently.

2008-05-16T21:36:00.001+08:00

Hi,

You have got to see this - WOW!

I found this new FULL INTERNET UPGRADE technology that is about to upgrade THE ENTIRE INTERNET to Web 2.0 standards and IT'S FREE! FULL Social Networking functionality on EVERY WEBSITE on the internet with a click of a button.

This is going to change the entire Internet OVERNIGHT.

Plus, they are giving away ONE MILLION DOLLARS to spread the word about it - and you can get a share for helping - NO COST!

Check it out at:
http://www.www2upgrade.com/110

101 Ways to Praise a Child

2008-04-14T19:56:00.000+08:00

Wow * Way To Go * Super

* You're Special * Outstanding *Excellent

*Great * Good * Neat * Well Done

* Remarkable * I Knew You Could Do It

*I'm Proud Of You * Fantastic * Superstar

* Nice Work * Looking Good *You're On Top Of It

* Beautiful * Now You're Flying * You're Catching On

*Now You've Got It * You're Incredible * Bravo

* You're Fantastic *Hurray For You * You're On Target

* You're On Your Way * How Nice *How Smart

* Good Job * That's Incredible * Dynamite

*You're Beautiful *You're Unique * Good for You

* Nothing Can Stop You Now * I Like You

* You're A Winner * Remarkable Job *Beautiful Work

* Spectacular * You're Smart * You're Darling

*You're Precious * Great Discovery

* You've Discovered The Secret *You Figured It Out

* Fantastic Job * Hip, Hip, Hurray * Bingo

*Magnificent * Marvelous * Terrific

* You're Important * Phenomenal *You're Sensational

* Super Work * Creative Job * Super Job

* Fantastic Job *Exceptional Performance

* You're A Real Trooper * You Are Responsible

*You Are Exciting * You Learned It Right

* What An Imagination *What A Good Listener

* You Are Fun * You're Growing Up

* You Tried Hard * You Care *Beautiful Sharing

* Outstanding Performance * You're A Good Friend

* I Trust You *Yippy Skippy * You Mean A Lot To Me

* You Make Me Happy * You Belong

*You've Got A Friend * You Make Me Laugh

* You Brighten My Day * I Respect You

*You Mean The World To Me * That's Correct

* You're A Joy * You're A Treasure *You're Wonderful

* You're Perfect * Awesome * A+ Job

* You're A-Ok-My Buddy *You Made My Day * That's The Best

* A Big Hug * A Kiss * Say, I Love You

*You have made me Proud!!!!!

Tell them what you Want

2008-03-06T14:59:00.000+08:00

By Christopher Davies

Tell them what you want

One of the staff in a high school found it difficult to stop students running up and down the stairs. She continually told them not to run but it made little difference. She was at her wits’ end. I suggested that instead of telling them not to run she say something like: “Slow down please” or “Walk down the stairs.” She was excited and somewhat amazed to report that it had worked – such a little change in language brought such a marked improvement in the match between what she wanted the kids to do and what they actually did.

How does this happen?

If I don’t want you to think of pink elephants and I say “Don’t think of pink elephants” what happens? You immediately get a picture of pink elephants in your mind and then, if you are feeling complicit as you read this, you try not to think about them. Now, if I’d asked you not to think about red rhinos, for example, there is much less chance of you conjuring up those pink elephants.

The mind works a bit like a search engine on the internet. Put in a word, press SEARCH and all the references to that word come up on the screen. Put in a mental suggestion like pink elephants and you don’t even have to press a button; up come images of pink elephants on the screen of the mind.

And that’s what happens in kids’ minds when we tell them not to do something. Its not wilful disobedience so much as the mind making pictures and the body going towards them.

Bill Rogers – in his excellent behaviour management series “Corrective Discipline” – suggests using the pattern “When …. then ….” rather than “You can’t …. because….”

For example: “Johnny, when you have finished tidying your room, then you can go out to play.” rather than: “Johnny you can’t go out to play because your room is a mess”

With the first sentence Johnny gets a picture in his mind of tidying his room, then going out to play. Just what we want. In the second sentence we’re inviting his subconscious to picture himself not being able to go out to play and with an untidy room.

This works for our own internal dialogue as well. If we continually tell ourselves that we shouldn’t be eating those cream cakes (assuming we want to lose weight) we’re making things unnecessarily difficult for ourselves.

Suggestion

If you catch yourself about to ask a child, or tell yourself, not to do something, ask them/tell yourself to do an alternative instead. The unconscious mind will make pictures of whatever words you say – so choose the ones you want the listener to see.

Some alternatives to use.

I mustn’t eat that cream cake – I will leave the cream cake in the shop.

Don’t be late – Come home in good time.

Stop shouting – Talk quietly.

You can’t have any pudding because you haven’t eaten your meat. – When you’ve eaten your meat you can have some pudding

10 Amazingly Simle Tricks To Turn Your Brain Into A Powerful Thinking Machine

2008-03-06T11:58:00.002+08:00

There are two basic principles to keep your brain healthy and sharp as you age: variety and curiosity. When anything you do becomes second nature, you need to make a change. If you can do the crossword puzzle in your sleep, it's time for you to move on to a new challenge in order to get the best workout for your brain. Curiosity about the world around you, how it works and how you can understand it will keep your brain working fast and efficiently. Use the ideas below to help attain your quest for mental fitness.

1. Read a Book

Pick a book on an entirely new subject. Read a novel set in Egypt. Learn about economics. There are many excellent popular non-fiction books that do a great job entertaining you while teaching about a subject. Become an expert in something new each week. Branch out from familiar reading topics. If you usually read history books, try a contemporary novel. Read foreign authors, the classics and random books. Not only will your brain get a workout by imagining different time periods, cultures and peoples, you will also have interesting stories to tell about your reading, what it makes you think of and the connections you draw between modem life and the words.

2. Play Games

Games are a wonderful way to tease and challenge your brain. Suduko, crosswords and electronic games can all improve your brain's speed and memory. These games rely on logic, word skills, math and more. These games are also fun. You'll get benefit more by doing these games a little bit every day-spend 15 minutes or so, not hours.

3. Use Your Opposite Hand

Spend the day doing things with your non-dominant hand. If you are left-handed, open doors with your right hand. If you are right-handed, try using your keys with your left. This simple task will cause your brain to lay down some new pathways and rethink daily tasks. Wear your watch on the opposite hand to remind you to switch.

4. Learn Phone Numbers

Our modem phones remember every number that calls them. No one memorizes phone numbers anymore, but it is a great memory Skill. Learn a new phone number everyday.

5. Eat for Your Brain

Your brain needs you to eat healthy fats. Focus on fish oils from wild salmon, nuts such as walnuts, seeds such as flax seed and olive oil. Eat more of these foods and less saturated fats. Eliminate transfats completely from your diet.

6. Break the Routine

We love our routines. We have hobbies and pastimes that we could do for hours on end. But the more something is second nature, the less our brains have to work to do it. To really help your brain stay young, challenge it. Change routes to the grocery store, use your opposite hand to open doors and eat dessert first. All this will force your brain to wake up from habits and pay attention again.

7. Go a Different way

Drive or walk a different way to wherever you go. This little change in routine helps the brain practice special memory and directions. Try different side streets go through stores in a different order anything to change your route.

8. Learn a New Skill

Learning a new skill works multiple areas of the brain. Your memory comes into play, you learn new movements and you associate things differently. Reading Shakespeare, learning to cook and building an airplane out of tooth picks all will challenge your brain and give you something to think about.

9. Make Lists

Lists are wonderful. Making lists helps us to associate items with one another. Make a list of all the places you have traveled. Make a list of the tastiest foods you have eaten. Make a list of the best presents you have been given. Make one list every day to jog your memory and make new connections. But don't become too reliant on them. Make your grocery list, but then try to shop without it. Use the list once you have put every item you can think of in your cart. Do the same with your "to do" lists.

10. Choose a new skill

Find something that captivates you that you can do easily in your home and doesn't cost too much. Photography with a digital camera, learning to draw, learning a musical instrument learning new cooking styles, or writing are all great choices.

"I v/s YOU"

2008-03-02T15:44:00.000+08:00

We all have been a witness to this situation day in - day out, at home, at office, in the society at large this scenario of "I v/s You".

Some common day to day examples of such “I v/s You” are:

AT HOME:

· Husband v/s Wife

· Son v/s Father

· Brother v/s Brother

· Daughter-in- Law v/s Mother-in-Law

· Elder Daughter-in- Law v/s Younger Daughter-in- Law

AT WORK:

· Boss v/s Subordinate

· Subordinate v/s Colleagues

· Manager v/s Executive

· Workers v/s Managers

· Accounts v/s Logistics

· Operations v/s Marketing

IN THE SOCIETY:

· My Language v/s Your Language

· My Place v/s Your Place

· My Culture v/s My Culture

· My Status v/s Your Status

If you think deep and introspect of all the above relationships, you will get an insight that the result of this situation of I v/s You is non other than WIN / LOSE. Even if one out of the two wins the other loses and the competition continues like a vicious circle of Win – Lose.

And may I ask - Winning at what cost?

Losing the relationship at home, having bitterness with the immediate loved one?

Losing the good person at work or arousing resentment and demotivation?

Or shying away a noble person from the society or giving rise to a feeling of indifference, making the other develop an attitude of I don’t care?

Is this really Winning? Is it necessary to have such victory where the other lose?

This is a question which many people ask me during the workshops and training programs, Shabbar “tell me what do I do”, “Shall I start losing then” .. ‘Should I give up”.. or “why must I always lose”.. and as usual I love to say develop an attitude of “Win – Win’.

If your are in a relationship you cannot WIN at the cost of other Losing. This is not a game which you are playing where Winning is important. Yes, it’s a game where Win – Win is important like a true sportsman where you love and respect the other party.

I love to share this another beautiful example of your own body. Which is your strong hand? Which hand does more work? Which hand you use more often then the other?

The answer is, for all the Right hander it’s the right hand and the left hander it’s the left hand.

Now lets take the case of the Right Handed person.. Imagine this Right hand start playing I v/s You game, and says, “I am I what are you?” “I do all the work what do you do?” Right hand goes further and says “I will always be in the front of this body and you the left hand – the inferior, you will always remain back.”

Can you imagine how will your body look when you walk with your right hand always is in the front and left hand always back.. you will appear like a robot.. or it will appear weird.

Trust you will appreciate that the creator god has not made any distinction in our body between two similar parts, although one performs more and the other performs less or at times it appears so. How can you and me ordinary human beings practice I v/s You.

So friends, today, think about all your relationship and make a checklist where you are playing this game of I v/s You and practice the 5 A’s.

· Acknowledge

· Appreciate

· Apologize (it requires a lot of courage to do so)

· Ask for forgiveness

· Attitude of Gratitude

When you have practiced the 5A’s you will feel the transformation from I v/s You and you will feel the WE. This WE will be the power of Synergy to actually play the game against THEM where we need to win. A check list of “THEM”

· Ego

· Pride

· Hatred

· Disharmony

· Jealousy

· Guilt

· Fear

· Scarcity

· Limiting Belief

· Weakness

· Negative

· Our Competitors

Let us ‘WE” get together and WIN against THEM.

Trust you enjoyed reading the above. Request you to share your feedback on the same.

Don't Make Anyone Feel Small

2008-03-02T15:00:00.000+08:00

Do not belittle the other person. Do not make him feel small. Do not criticize him or find fault with him.

No one likes to be criticized. Look for good qualities in others and appreciate them. When you appreciate others, you draw out the best that is in them. .

Never scold children. When you scold them, you stifle the life-force that is within them.

Mr.X asked a little boy:- “My child, what is your name?”

He answered:- “At school, they call me Adam. At home, I am called
Adam-don’t.”

Mr.X could not understand. And he explained:- “At school they call me Adam. But whenever I am at home, they always tell me, Adam don’t behave like this, Adam don’t speak like this, Adam don’t sit like this, Adam don’t talk like this!”

Appreciate your children. Appreciate your spouse. Women have complained:-
“There was a time when our husbands gave us many pledges, but all that has become part of history. Today, they pay no attention to us. They take us for granted.”

Tonight, as you return to your homes, go and tell your spouse:- “Honey, where would I have been without you?” Those few, simple words can enact a miracle.

When Mr.Y was in Hong Kong, at one of the lectures, a leading man of Hong Kong presided. At the meeting, Mr.Y offered this suggestion. And the man, who presided over the meeting, met him the next day. He said:- “Truly, the words you passed on to us yesterday, have enacted a miracle. When I returned home last night, I told my wife, ‘Honey, where would I have been without you?’ At first, my wife could not understand. Her face was blank. Then, gradually, as the meaning of those words became clear, her face brightened
and her eyes glowed with a strange light. Since then, the entire
atmosphere of the house has changed!”

Appreciate your friends, your spouse, your children.... ........

Body Language

2007-12-26T19:54:00.000+08:00

"Signals of a Liar"

In order to spot a liar, use a person's usual behavior as a measuring stick to see if they're stretching the truth.

But when it comes to reading a person, body language speaks volumes. There are some gestures and mannerisms to look out for in order to catch a liar, so long as they differ from the person's regular actions.

Lying Gestures

· rapid eye movement

· crossed arms

· constant fidgeting

· eyes focused to the right (indicates use of the creative side of the brain)

· eyes focused firmly on an object

· rubbing eye

· eyes either wide open or partly shut

· legs crossed when seated

· legs not planted firmly on the ground when seated

· holding an object or gripping ankle, knee, or skin of a crossed leg when seated.

· touching face, such as lips, cheeks, chin, nose, etc.

· playing with hair

· tugging ear

Although we've always been taught that lack of eye contact is a dead giveaway of a liar, it's not necessarily evidence as we have been conditioned to look another in the eye when it comes to business and sports, in order to psych-out our opponent. We have almost been raised to be good liars.

Many of the aforementioned gestures such as the ear tugging, eye rubbing, mouth covering, and nose tapping can point to a liar as the liar's body language is saying, "I can't believe what I'm saying!"

While body language can be a good indicator of a liar, a person's unconscious mannerisms aren't always reliable. It's your job to play detective and put the puzzle pieces together, by using the subject's speech.

Emotional Gestures & Contradiction

• Timing and duration of emotional gestures and emotions are off a normal pace. The display of emotion is delayed, stays longer than it would naturally, then stops suddenly.

• Timing is off between emotions gestures/expression s and words. Example: Someone says "I love it!" when receiving a gift, and then smile after making that statement, rather than at the same time the statement is made.

• Gestures/expression s don’t match the verbal statement, such as frowning when saying “I love you.”

• Expressions are limited to mouth movements when someone is faking emotions (like happy, surprised, sad, awe, )instead of the whole face. For example; when someone smiles naturally their whole face is involved: jaw/cheek movement, eyes and forehead push down, etc.

Interactions and Reactions

• A guilty person gets defensive. An innocent person will often go on the offensive.

• A liar is uncomfortable facing his questioner/accuser and may turn his head or body away.

• A liar might unconsciously place objects (book, coffee cup, etc.) between themselves an Verbal Context and Content

• A liar will use your words to make answer a question. When asked, “Did you eat the last cookie?” The liar answers, “No, I did not eat the last cookie.”

•A statement with a contraction is more likely to be truthful: “ I didn't do it” instead of “I did not do it”

• Liars sometimes avoid "lying" by not making direct statements. They imply answers instead of denying something directly.

• The guilty person may speak more than natural, adding unnecessary details to convince you... they are not comfortable with silence or pauses in the conversation.

• A liar may leave out pronouns and speak in a monotonous tone. When a truthful statement is made the pronoun is emphasized as much or more than the rest of the words in a statement.

• Words may be garbled and spoken softly, and syntax and grammar may be off. In other words, his sentences will likely be muddled rather than emphasized.

Other signs of a lie:

• If you believe someone is lying, then change subject of a conversation quickly, a liar follows along willingly and becomes more relaxed. The guilty wants the subject changed; an innocent person may be confused by the sudden change in topics and will want to back to the previous subject.

THE CHANCE OF A LIFETIME - FREE!!

2007-12-26T17:07:00.000+08:00

Have you ever dreamed about owning a piece of a big company? Too expensive? Not now!! How about ownership
without paying a penny...ever? Too good to be true? No! Amazing and unique? Yes! Totally legal and fully disclosed? http://www.taketheinternetback.com/index.php?refId=109745
Yes! Join us and own a piece of the next big Internet company - completely free forever! You will even get a $10.00 sign up bonus, free downloads, and a contract assuring you of ownership . Totally free - now and forever!

A paradigm shift in thinking.

2007-12-10T19:36:00.000+08:00

Ducks Quack , Eagles Fly

A paradigm shift in thinking.

No one can make you serve customers well. That's because great service is a choice. Years ago, my friend, Adam, told me a wonderful story about a cab driver that proved this point.

He was waiting in line for a ride at the airport. When a cab pulled up, the first thing Adam noticed was that the taxi was polished to a bright shine. Smartly dressed in a khakhi shirt, e, and freshly pressed khakhi slacks, the cab driver jumped out and rounded the car to open the back passenger door for Adam .

He handed my friend a laminated card and said:

"I'm Wally, your driver. While I'm loading your bags in the trunk I'd like you to read my mission statement."

Taken aback, Adam read the card. It said:

Wally's Mission Statement:

To get my customers to their destination in the quickest, safest and cheapest way possible in a friendly environment.

This blew Adam away. Especially when he noticed that the inside of the cab matched the outside. Spotlessly clean!

As he slid behind the wheel, Wally said, "Would you like a cup of coffee? I have a thermos of regular and one of decaf."

My friend said jokingly, "No, I'd prefer a soft drink."

Wally smiled and said, "No problem. I have a cooler up front with regular and Diet Coke, water and orange juice."

Almost stuttering, Adam said, "I'll take a Diet Coke."

Handing him his drink, Wally said, "If you'd like something to read, I have The Times, Sports Illustrated and India Today."

As they were pulling away, Wally handed my friend another laminated card. "These are the stations I get and the music they play, if you'd like to listen to the radio."

And as if that weren't enough, Wally told Adam the best route to his destination for that time of day. He also let him know that he'd be happy to chat and tell him about some of the sights or, if Adam preferred, to leave him with his own thoughts.

"Tell me, Wally," my amazed friend asked the driver, "have you always served customers like this?"

Wally smiled into the rearview mirror. "No, not always. In fact, it's only been in the last two years. My first five years driving, I spent most of my time complaining like all the rest of the cabbies do. Then I heard the personal growth guru, Wayne Dyer, on the radio one day.

He had just written a book called You'll See It When You Believe It. Dyer said that if you get up in the morning expecting to have a bad day, you'll rarely disappoint yourself. He said, 'Stop complaining! Differentiate yourself from your competition. Don't be a duck. Be an eagle. Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd.'"

"That hit me right between the eyes," said Wally. "Dyer was really talking about me. I was always quacking and complaining, so I decided to change my attitude and become an eagle. I looked around at the other cabs and their drivers. The cabs were dirty, the drivers were unfriendly, and the customers were unhappy. So I decided to make some changes. I put in a few at a time. When my customers responded well, I did more."

"I take it that has paid off for you," Adam said.

"It sure has," Wally replied. "My first year as an eagle, I doubled my income from the previous year. This year I'll probably quadruple it. You were lucky to get me today. I don't sit at cabstands anymore. My customers call me for appointments on my cell phone or leave a message on my answering machine. If I can't pick them up myself, I get a reliable cabbie friend to do it and I take a piece of the action."

Wally was phenomenal. He was running a limo service out of a Yellow Cab. I've probably told that story to more than fifty cab drivers over the years, and only two took the idea and ran with it. Whenever I go to their cities, I give them a call. The rest of the drivers quacked like ducks and told me all the reasons they couldn't do any of what I was suggesting.

Wally the Cab Driver made a different choice. He decided to stop quacking like ducks and start soaring like eagles.

How about you?

Dealing With Insult

2007-11-07T19:58:00.000+08:00

Dealing with insult
************ *****

The Buddha explained how to handle insult and maintain compassion.

One day Buddha was walking through a village. A very angry and rude young man came up and began insulting him. "You have no right teaching others," he shouted. "You are as stupid as everyone else. You are nothing but a fake."

Buddha was not upset by these insults. Instead he asked the young man "Tell me, if you buy a gift for someone, and that person does not take it, to whom does the gift belong?"

The man was surprised to be asked such a strange question and answered, "It would belong to me, because I bought the gift."

The Buddha smiled and said, "That is correct. And it is exactly the same with your anger. If you become angry with me and I do not get insulted, then the anger falls back on you. You are then the only one who becomes unhappy, not me. All you have done is hurt yourself."

"If you want to stop hurting yourself, you must get rid of your anger and become loving instead. When you hate others, you yourself become unhappy. But when you love others, everyone is happy."

Unleash The Power Of Your Mind

2007-10-28T15:21:00.000+08:00

Unleash the power of your mind

Weather/Traffic/ Moods of people......what is the one thing among these that we can have control over? None I suppose, because it is not in our hands to control them BUT YES we can control our emotions and feelings against these through having control over our mind.

"A man who rules his mind rules the world"

How rightly said! Whether it is Physical vitality/Enthusiasm /Self confidence, any thing that is required to succeed in life depends mainly on our mental fitness and our mental agility. Because success on the outside starts with success in the inside. All our success depends on the 12 pounds mass sitting between our shoulders. This 12 pounds mass has lots of potential, lots of positive energy.Every individual is born with the same raw material, then why is it that some of them succeed, some become achievers and some don't? It all depends on how you refine that raw material and how you use it i.e. how you tap the immense potential of your mind and how you use your mind effectively.

Our mind is just like any other muscle of our body and when it comes to'muscles' it is rightly said 'You use it or you loose it' this means that you have to exercise your muscles or else they grow weak.
For ex. if you want to strengthen the muscles of your hand you have to train them, if you want to toughen your leg muscles you have to exert them, etc.
In the same way we can strengthen our mind through certain simple methods like 'Self awareness', 'Mental training', Mental Imaging', and of course a few breathing exercises.

Every thing starts with our thoughts. The quality of our Life is directly proportional to the quality of our thoughts. As Winston Churchill stated that "Price of greatness is to have responsibility over EACH of your thoughts.

" Thoughts act like seeds in the garden of our minds."As you sow, so shall you reap'. If you sow positive thoughts then the result is definitely going to be positive and if you sow thoughts of doubt then life may seem uncertain and the harvest may include questions such as 'Can I succeed' , Will I ever be good enough' , etc.

Negative thoughts lead to negative energy and that in turn causes diseases, destroys relationships andmakes you ineffective.If you hope to make a remarkable improvement in your outer world you need tof irst start within and change the caliber of your thoughts. Because the quality of your thinking determines the quality of your life.

SELF AWARENESS/SELF MASTERY: "Knowing others is intelligence: knowing yourself is wisdom. Mastering others is strength:mastering yourself is true power." Selfawareness is becoming aware of each and every thought. Become your own observer, learn to watch your thoughts coming and going like clouds in the sky,watch how each emotion rises and falls like the waves of the oceans.

As you grow in self awareness, you will better understand why you feel what you feel and why you behave as you behave. That understanding then gives you the opportunity and freedom to change those things you'd like to change about yourself and create the life you want. Without fully knowing who you are, self acceptance and change become impossible.

MENTAL TRAINING: Mental training is naming and labeling your thoughts. By mentally noting 'sadness', I can think about what "seeds of sadness" I may have been watering. I have become aware of my mental/emotional state and can now make choices.

What seeds will I water? Our mind is a giant slide projector where each thought is a slide. Use the technique of opposition thinking, i.e. When the undesirable thought occupies the focal point of your mind quickly replace it with an uplifting one.

Become aware that you are thinking these undesirable thoughts. Our mind is the world's largest filtering device. Therefore use it properly so that it filters away that is unimportant and gives us only that information which you are looking out at that time, 'your priority'.

MENTAL IMAGING: "Imagination is more powerful than knowledge", AlbertEinstein. YES we can easily use the Power of Imagination for our success.Always hold wonderful pictures in your mind's eyes and imagine your experience before hand because our mind cannot differentiate between the real and the imaginary experience. Our mind has a magnetic power to attract all that we desire into our life.

A moment's thought will show us that unless we know "just what" we desire, we can take no steps toward attaining it on any plane of manifestation. And the more clearly our desires are perceived in our imagination, the clearer is the work of proceeding toward the realization of that desire.

A Mental Image gives you a frame work upon which to work. The minds of the majority of people are more or less blank screens or curtains upon which play the pictures produced there by outside influences, suggestions, environments, etc., for very few people realize their individuality, and are merely reflections of the thoughts and ideas of other people.
Therefore, mastery of the mind opens avenues of hope. We can begin to reshape our life and character, rebuild relationships, thrive in the stress of daily living, become the kind of person we want to be.

No Problem Children------Only Problem Parents

2007-09-05T19:28:00.000+08:00

"In a perfect world, parenting would come down to one sentence: Show only love, be only love." Deepak Chopra

There are no such things as Problem children. There are however Problem parents. The problem with parents is:

They go nuts! When they recognize the suppressed parts of themselves being acted out by their children.

They feel inadequate: When they recognize that their children are ready to take risks they were not willing to take.

Their ego is hurt: When they discover that their child is able to overcome obstacles they believed were difficult.

Their authority is challenged: When they understand that their children have the power to do what they make up their minds to do.

AND when their authority is being challenged, they will do anything and everything to keep a child in line. "They will even run the risk of DESTROYING the child's spirit.

The child is made to feel insecure: When the parent is confronted by a child's opinions.

The child is made to feel inadequate: When the parent is confronted by a child's approach.

The child is made to doubt its own self: When the parent is confronted with a child's ability to see the truth, know the truth and speak the truth.

Parents know they are powerful. At times, they stop trusting themselves when they remember what their parents said and did with them. They start feeling insecure thinking that they might do the same.

Until today you may have been raising your child with the same fear and ignorance with which you may have been raised.

OR maybe you may be doing your best to make sure that your children are not raised like you.

JUST FOR TODAY START OBVSERVING YOUR CHILD, HIS STRENGHTS HIS WEAKNESSES. TAKE OUT TIME AND LISTEN TO THEM. SEE THEIR TRUE SELF. REALIZE THAT YOUR CHILDREN OFFER A DIVINE OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU TO GIVE AND TO GET SOME OF THE THINGS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED.

Fear Of Failure

2007-08-18T21:57:00.000+08:00

Dealing with fear of failure issues

The fear of failure is probably the number one problem holding people back from the success they desire and deserve. Conquering the fear of failure may just be the single most important thing you can do to improve your level of success and achieve your dreams and goals. There are many ways to conquer the fear of failing, and it is important to choose the techniques that best suit your own personality and style.

When dealing with and addressing fear of failure issues, it is important to first understand that such fears are perfectly normal and justified. After all, no one likes to fail, and repeated failures can be enough to make some people stop trying altogether. Although fear of failure may be normal, it is also important to know that it can be overcome.

Many of the most successful people in the worlds of entertainment, business and politics failed repeatedly before they made it big. It is rare indeed to encounter someone who was a true overnight success in any field. Most people got there through hard work and perseverance, and that means they learned to handle rejection and put their fear of failure aside in order to achieve their goals.

The first step in conquering a deep seeded fear of failure is to take a step back and see that failure is not the end of the road. Just because you failed to achieve your goal today does not mean you will not go on to triumph tomorrow. The key is to learn from every setback, and to treat every failure as an opportunity to learn rather than as a reason to stop trying.

A very famous saying," There is nothing called failure, its just an outcome. The day you fail is the day when you try last."
While it is true that if you never try anything new you can eliminate your fear of failure, this technique will not lead to a healthy and fulfilling life. New experiences, whether in the social world, your personal life, or in the business arena is what gives life its spice and spark. Eliminating these important elements of life just because you are afraid you will not succeed, is not the way to a fulfilling life.

Rather, the road to a fulfilling life, a successful business and a rewarding personal life lies in seeing failure as a temporary setback and not a permanent condition. Once you have come to see failure as permanent, it is easy to become depressed and discouraged. If, on the other hand, you see failure as temporary, and use it as a way to learn and grow, your fear of failure will be diminished or even eliminated.

Of course, dealing with fear of failure in this manner is easier said than done, and it will take a lot of work, perseverance and patience to truly overcome a fear of failure. It all boils down to having a positive attitude, and knowing that you can succeed. The people you surround yourself with can have a significant impact on your success as well. For instance, if you choose to surround yourself with people who are negative, or those who think they can never succeed, that bad attitude is bound to rub off on you, and make conquering your fear of failure that much harder.

If, on the other hand, you can surround yourself with positive people, those who express a can do attitude about life, that attitude will be infectious as well. A positive attitude is as easy to spread as a negative one, so try to keep your circle of contacts positive and focused on your goals.

Understand The Problem Before You Diagnose

2007-08-13T17:58:00.000+08:00

Suppose u have been having trouble with your eyes and u decide to go to an optometrist for help. After briefly listening to your complaint,he takes off his glasses and hands them to you."
Put these on, "he says. "I've worn this pair of glasses for ten years now and they have helped me, I have an extra pair at home; you can wear these."
So you put them on, but it only makes the problem worse."This is terrible!" you exclaim. I can't see a thing!""Well, that's wrong?" he asks. "
They work great for me. Try harder."" I am trying, " you insist. " everything is a blur.""Well, what's the matter with you? Think positively can't see a thing.""Boy, are you ungrateful!" he chides. " And after all I've done to help you!"
What are the chances you'd go back to that optometrist the next time you needed help? Not very good, I would imagine. You don't have much confidence in someone who doesn't diagnose before he or she prescribes.
We have such a tendency to rush in, to fix things up with good advice. But we often fail to take the time to diagnose, to really, deeply understand the problem first.
If I were to summarize in one sentence the single most important principle I have learned in the field of interpersonal relations, it would be this: seek first to understand, then to be understood. This principle is the key to effective interpersonal communication.
This principle is also true in sales. Diagnosing before you prescribe is also fundamental to law.
A good lawyer almost rights the opposing attorney's case before he rights his own.
A good engineer will understand the forces, the stresses at work before designing the bridge.
A good teacher will assess the class before teaching.
A good student will understand before he applies.
A good parent will understand before evaluating or judging.
The key to good judgment is understanding.
If you want to interact effectively with to influence __ your spouse, your child, your neighbor, your boss, your coworker, your friend____ you first need to understand them.
And you can't do that with technique alone.
If they Sense you are using some technique they sense duplicity, manipulation.
They will wonder why you are doing it, what your motives are and will not feel safe enough to open themselves up to you.
Then as much as they want and even need to receive your love and influence, they will not feel safe enough to expose their opinions and experiences and their tender feelings.
Who knows what will happen? But unless they open up with you, unless you understand them and their unique situations and feelings, you wont know how to advice or counsel them.
What you say is good and fine, but it doesn't quite pertain to them.
You may say you care about and appreciate them when you don't even understand them?
All they have are your words, and they can't trust words.So if you want to be really effective in the habit of interpersonal communication, you cannot do it with technique alone.
You have to first understand, only then you will be understood.

Problems Are Not Your Problem

2007-08-10T21:41:00.000+08:00

By Mark Victor Hansen

You see, problems are going to come and go. Your life is not going to be perfect every day. Even if you have the most positive mindset, problems are going to present themselves. That’s a fact. You can’t change it.

What I want you to understand is that PROBLEMS ARE NOT THE PROBLEM. They are just situations that are presented to you. You have two choices when presented with problems: You can see them as destructive, spirit-breaking potholes in the road of life; or you can see them as constructive, mind-expanding opportunities to problem solve and move forward to success. It’s that simple.

Remember: Encountering difficulties is part of life. Count yourself lucky as you’ve been “chosen” to seek out and learn a valuable lesson! The only people who don’t have problems are dead people.

“Claim and believe hard tasks are easy and they will become easier and be accomplished more quickly.”

THIS WEEK’S ACTION STEP
In closing this week, I’d like to offer an exercise to complete in the week ahead:

I want you to look at your life. What do you consider to be problems? What are the problems that you worry about on a daily basis? Take out a journal or notebook and a pen. Sit down and close your eyes. Write them all down. Remember, we’re talking about the present, not the future – that will come soon enough.
Is money an issue? Your physical appearance? Your health? Fear of failure? What is it that you worry about?

Now, look at the problems you have written down. These are the things that you have allowed to have power over you. They have pulled the wool over your eyes and led you to believe that this is where you have to stop thinking – these problems are the end. Instead, start thinking “These problems are just the beginning to new discovery!”

When you were given math homework in school, the teacher didn’t say, “Okay, kids. Take these problems home and worry about them, and tomorrow I’ll give you more problems to worry about.” The teacher said, “Here are the problems. They have answers. Solve them.”

That’s what I want you to do. I want you to take your list and write one problem at the top of a sheet of paper. (Do this for all of them.) Then under each problem write another header: “Solutions”. Now, here’s where the fun starts – yes, it’s going to be fun. I want you to “think outside the glass” and come up with new, creative, crazy solutions to each problem. I don’t care how impossible you believe your solutions are, write them down. Crazy solutions are genius in disguise.

Write 20 solutions for each problem. Afterwards, break each solution down into action steps. Once you’ve done that, I want you to decide which solution you are capable of doing right now, at this very minute. Then do it. Do each action step until you have completed that solution. If your problem is still there, try another solution. Keep going until you have discovered the one that works.

Remember Thomas Edison. Once he was asked what he had to say about the fact that he had failed thousands of times while trying to create the light bulb. Edison said he had never failed, he simply “had to run through enough learning experiences to find a way that worked.”

Depression Can Be A Real Pain

2007-07-28T20:21:00.000+08:00

Ever heard someone say, "He's a real pain in the neck" (or other body part!)? Did you know that stress in your life can quite literally be expressed as pain and illness?

To make this easier to understand, let's compare your body to a pressure cooker. If it's allowed to vent its steam, it will sit there and happily cook along. If it's not allowed to vent its steam, the pressure will build up and up until the lid blows off! We humans are no different. And, like the pressure cooker we "flip our lids" by becoming depressed.Now, lets say that we have a cooker under pressure, but we're applying pressure to hold that lid on (the human equivalent would be holding in our emotions). What will happen? Eventually, the vessel will break and the place it will break is at its weakness point.

The same goes for us human beings. If one of your body systems is weakened, this is where a stress-related illness is most likely to develop. If your weakest point physically is your neck, you'll develop neck pains. Or back pain. Or ulcers. Or frequent colds and flu. You get the picture.

Any illness that has physical symptoms, but has the mind and emotions as its origin is called a psychosomatic illness.

Although you may be told that it's "all in your head", these illnesses are not imaginary. The aches and pains are very real, but because your doctor is looking for an actual physical cause, they are very tricky to diagnose and treat.

The key is to look for a source of stress in the person's life that the person is not coping with. By treating the underlying stress and depression, it may be possible to heal the physical problems as well.

Think About Wealth or Poverty

2007-07-19T17:18:00.000+08:00

The Parable of Talents

By: Brian Tracy

The Parable of the Talents is the primary reason for wealth or poverty throughout history.

Reasons for Rich or Poor
Why do some people retire rich and most people retire poor? This subject has fascinated philosophers, thinkers, mystics and teachers throughout the ages. There have been so many cases of hundreds or thousands and even millions of men and women who have started with nothing and become financially independent that people are naturally curious to know why it happened and what are the common rules or principles that others can apply to become wealthy as well.

Why People Become Rich
One illustration of this key principle is called the parable of the talents. In the Bible, it says, "To him that hath, shall more be given, and he shall have abundance. But from him that hath not, even that which he hath shall be taken away.

Accumulation Leads to More Accumulation
What does it mean? In the modern world, we say "the rich get richer and the poor get poorer." The fact is that people who accumulate money tend to accumulate more and more. People who don't accumulate money seem to lose even that little bit of money which they have. Why should this happen? The great success principle, the single idea that explains human destiny is simple. It says that, "you become what you think about, most of the time.

How can you attract more wealth and more abundance?
We are now surrounded by more wealth than at any time in our history. The real question is how do YOU gain this abundance?

Control Your Thoughts
And whatever you dwell upon, grows in your reality. You create your entire world by the things you choose to think about and how you choose to think about them.
It just so happens that wealthy, successful people fill their minds with thoughts, words, pictures and images of wealth, affluence, success, productivity and solutions to problems in the marketplace, most of the time. These thoughts trigger the reticular activating cortex, the part of the brain that makes you more alert and sensitive to things that you have decided are important to you.

Activate Your Reticular Cortex
For example, if you decide to invest in a mutual fund, you will start to see news and information about mutual funds everywhere. Mentions in newspapers and magazines will jump out at you. These notices have always been there but now you have sensitized your brain to pick them up and draw them to your attention with far greater frequency and vividness. This is the function and power of your reticular cortex.

Avoid Poverty Thinking
On the other hand, what do poor people think about most of the time? Unfortunately, poor people fill their minds with thoughts of scarcity, lack, poverty, being unable to afford things. They are always thinking and talking about how little money they have, how much things cost and how they wish things could be better financially. What they think about most of the time is how little money they have.

Think Like Wealthy People Think
Wealthy people from an early age think about how much they have, how much they want and all the different things they can do to acquire and earn the money and things they desire.

Find Out How Rich People Think
Here's a rule for you. If you want to become successful, find out what failures do and don't do it. If you want to be wealthy, find out what poor people think about, and avoid thinking in those ways. Instead, find out how wealthy people think. Find out what they read. Find out how they spend their time. Study their lives, read their stories and autobiographies and listen to their words when they are interviewed and on tape. The more you find out what financially successful people think and talk about most of the time, and do the same things, the more rapidly you will enjoy the same rewards that they do.

Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do to put this parable of the talents into action:First, make a decision today that from now on you will think and talk only about the financial success that you desire. At the same time, you will refuse to talk about or dwell upon your financial problems.Second, instead of saying, "I can't afford it," instead ask the question, "How can I afford it?" When you think of something that you want or need that you don't have the money for at the time, the only question you ask is, "How?" How can you get it? What can you do to achieve it? What are your options? How can you get from where you are to where you want to go? This type of attitude will change your life.

Do You Need A Vacation? How Do you Know When

2007-07-18T20:12:00.000+08:00

How to Tell If You Need a Vacation or not

Most of us are guilty of the same thing. We work too hard and have no time to relax. We often think that more work means more money, and that in turn means a better life. This over-worked and over-stressed lifestyle has its toll though, and many of us are paying it. It is estimated that one third of the workforce does not take vacation each year, and their vacation days go unused every year. What does this mean? This might mean you aren't working up to your potential, and the cracks will eventually be evident to everyone, including your boss.
We often think of days off for vacation in what it will cost us rather than what we gain from it. Many companies offer to pay for unused vacation days at the end of the year, so not taking the vacation pays more. You still get your regular paycheck for working the week you should have been out on vacation, and you get a nice bonus at the end of the year. You may think of each day on vacation as a dollar amount, and you may see that dollar amount as something you are not earning.
In fact, you may be tiring yourself down so much that you aren't working up to your potential. The mind needs to rest, and sometimes, that means more than taking the weekend off. Even worse, we don't stop working at quitting time. We are often glued to our cell phones in case a business call comes in, and we take work home on the weekend, if we don't end up finding another way to work. We fall under the impression that the world will fall apart without us. If we can't be reached at three AM, or if we miss an email because we ran out for coffee, we brand ourselves as slackers.
You may think you are too keyed up for vacation, and that your ambition and determination make it hard for you to step aside for some time off. However, you should think about the benefits of getting away and turning off your business cell phone, and ignoring your email account. Those who vacation come back renewed and invigorated. They often have a new perspective on their job and on life, and they are motivated to get back into their job and accomplish something. Employees who vacation are better employees all the way around.
If you find that you are stalling out when it comes to tasks that are normally easy for you, or that you seem to be tired and stressed no matter what you do to relax or how much sleep you get, you should consider taking a vacation. Everyone should have a week off per year, and some need more. You may notice that your work is slipping and is not up to your usual level of skill. This does not necessarily mean you have lost your touch, it might just mean that you need to take some time off. They don't call it "recharging your batteries" for nothing. A trip and time off from work may end up being one of the best things you can do for yourself and your career.

Listening Tips

2007-06-19T17:19:00.000+08:00

Sixteen Commonsense Listening Tips - By Dr. Tony Alessandra

The reason you don't understand me, Edith, is because I'm talkin' to you in English and you're listenin' to me in dingbat!" - Archie Bunker

Archie was right about finding a common language or wavelength, but ittakes two to communicate - the speaker and the listener. Both need to makethe effort to understand each other. According to a French proverb, "The spoken word belongs half to him that speaks and half to him who hears."

All skills require learned behaviors and rules. The rules for good listening involve basic courtesy, sorely needed by Archie, and commonsense. Some of the rules may seem obvious, but it is amazing how many people forget them and unintentionally insult the speaker.

Often, without intending to be rude, your enthusiasm for a subject and your own desire to hear yourself talk cause you to forget courtesy. Another times you may be so involved with your own point of view that you forget to listen to what your client is saying; you just plain stop listening!
So, when conversing with another person, be aware of and practice the following rules:

1. Let others tell their own stories first. When others explain their situations, they may reveal interesting facts and valuable clues that will aid you in helping them solve their problems or satisfy their needs. By letting them speak first, you also save time.When their interests are revealed you can tailor your discussion to their particular needs, goals, and objectives and can dispense within appropriate conversation.

2. It is impossible to listen and talk at the same time. This basic rule of effective listening is most often broken, especially by Archie Bunker. People anxious to add their own views to the conversation try to interject comments while another person is speaking. They wait for a pause in the conversation and "rapid fire'' their comments at the other person. This interjection of random comments is irritating to the speaker and actually slows the conversation because the initial speaker must dodge the comments and still keep his train of thought. Why not wait until the speaker's point is made? Then you will have your chance.

An enormous benefit of listening to your client is that he may "sellhimself." He may solve his own problems or even come up with some product benefits that hadn't occurred to you. In addition, encouraging the client to talk keeps him from feeling pressured into a sale. Building confidence and reducing tension strengthen the trust bond between you and your client.

A client who "sells himself" is likely to be more fully committed and less likely to have "buyer's remorse." He may become a staunch defender of your product, be open-minded in future dealings, and be more likely to listen to you.

3. Listen for the main ideas. Specific facts are only important as they pertain to the main theme. They can cause misinterpretation if taken out of context. Relate stated facts to the arguments of the speaker and weigh the verbal evidence used. Take advantage of the superior speed of thought over words and periodically review a portion of the discussion that has already been completed. A good listener also tries to guess the points the speaker will make. Ask yourself: "What is the speaker getting at?" or "What is his point?" Then get feedback. If you guess correctly, your understanding is enhanced, and your attention is increased. If you are incorrect, you learn from your mistake.

4. Be sensitive to your emotional deaf spots. Deaf spots are words that make your mind wander or go off on a mental tangent. They set off a chain reaction that produces a mental barrier inyour mind, which in turn inhibits the continued flow of the speaker'smessage. Everyone is affected by certain words so it is important to discover your own individual stumbling blocks and analyze why these word shave such a profound effect on you.

5. Fight off distractions. Train yourself to listen carefully to your customer's words, despite suchexternal distractions as a ringing telephone, passersby, or other officenoise. Localized distractions, such as the idiosyncrasies of the speaker,may also be irritating, but make a conscious attempt to judge the contentof the message - not the delivery. Focus your attention on the words, ideas, feelings, and underlying intent.Through practice you can improve your power of concentration, so that you can block out external and internal distractions and attend totally to the speaker.

6. Do not trust to memory certain data that may be important. Take brief notes because listening ability is impaired while you are writing. Remember - you cannot effectively do two things at the same time.Write notes in words and phrases rather than complete thoughts. All you need is something to jog your memory later in the day, and then you can recall the complete content of the message. Read your notes as soon aspossible to make sure you understand what you put down on paper and always review them before subsequent contact with your clients.

7. React to the message, not the person. Don't allow your mental impression of the speaker to influence your interpretation of his message. Good thoughts, concepts, and arguments can come from some of your least favorite people. George Jefferson planted the seeds of many ideas in Archie's fertile imagination.

8. Try to appreciate the emotion behind the words (vocal and visualmessages) more than the literal meaning of the words. Try to ask yourself these questïons when another person is speaking: a. What are the other person's feelings? b. What does he mean by what he is saying? c. What is his point of view? d. Why is he saying this? e. What is implied by what he says?

9. Use feedback. Constantly try to chëck your understanding of what you hear. Do not only hear what you want to hear. In addition, chëck to see if the other person wants to comment or respond to what you have previously said. Archie and Edith could have avoided many misunderstandings by simply using feedback.

10. Listen selectively. Critical messages may be hidden within the broader context of a conversation. Listen in such a way that you can separate the wheat from the chaff. Always ask yourself: "What is he telling me that can help me satisfy his needs, solve his problems, and accomplish his goals?"

11. Relax. When another person speaks, try to put him at ease by creating a relaxed,accepting environment. Do not give the speaker the impression that you want to jump right in and speak. Give him a chance to speak his mind.

12. Try not to be critical of the other person's point of view. Hold your temper and your emotional feelings and try to listen to truly understand. Be patient, Archie. Allow the speaker plenty of time to fully finish his train of thought. You might find that what you were initially going to disagree with wasn't such a bad idea after all. Keep an open mind. If you give the other person half a chance to tell you his views,you might find that you have learned something.

13. Listen attentively. Face the speaker with uncrossed arms and legs; lean slightly forward.Establish gentle, intermittent eye contact. Use affirmative head nods and appropriate facial expressions when called for, but do not overdo it.Occasionally respond to your customer with "uh huh," "go on," or "yes," to demonstrate that you are listening.

14. Create a positive listening environment. Shoot for a private atmosphere away from sources of distraction. Make the effort to ensure that the environment is conducive to effective listening.

15. Ask questïons. Ask open-ended questïons to allow the speaker to express his feelings andthoughts. A simple "yes" or "no" is not enough. Use development questïons like "How can I help you?" or "Where do we go from hëre?" to ask the speaker for more details on specific subjects. Clarifying questïons seek information by restating the speaker's remarks. These techniques demonstrate that you're hearing correctly. If you keepthe other person talking, potential ambiguities clear up. The effective use of questïons also allows you to contribute to the conversation.

16. Be motivated to listen. Without the proper attitude all the foregoing suggestions for effective listening are worthless. Try to keep in mind that there is no such thing as an uninteresting speaker, only disinterested listeners. Put out the extra effort to try to listen.

Learning to listen effectively pays off in stronger trust bonds and increased säles. Others feel relieved to find people who actively listen and try to understand what they have to say about their problems and needs. Once that occurs, the speaker generally reciprocates by listening when it's the other person's turn to speak. That leads to an open, honest information exchange, the kind Edith Bunker was yearning for. Isn't that what communication is all about?

Get Paid to Browse Ads

2007-06-18T21:35:00.000+08:00

By taking advantage of the ClixSense online advertising program, as a potential online consumer, you can actually get paid for your web browsing, up to $5.00 for every 30 seconds worth of work. http://www.clixsense.com/?2140520
The income you earn is paid directly to you every month. The best part about the ClixSense program is that as a potential online consumer, there is no charge to register your new account and begin earning money immediately.

TIPS ON- HOW NOT TO ARGUE

2007-06-16T17:53:00.000+08:00

1.It takes two to argue. If you do not give an answer, there cannot be an argument. Just say, "I will talk about this later on" and just softly repeat that phrase.

2.Arguments increases with the volume of the arguers. "A soft answer turns away wrath" (Proverbs 15:1). The more forcefully the other person argues, the quieter your response becomes. You will see the other side tone down his/her voice in response.

3.You don't have an argument if you agree. "That's a nice point." "I have not thought about this." "You are extremely right." Focus on where you can agree, not where you don't agree.

4.Admit you were wrong. No one is a perfect person. Find something to say you are sorry for, to take responsibility for. The other person will feel nice and may even own up to some mistakes of his/her own.

5.Do not accuse or attack. Don't say, "Why did you say this!" "You did this and that!" Ask questions, don't make statements. And ask questions with sincerity not as a cutting sword to make an attack.

6.Remember your goal! In married life, you want harmony, peace, a good atmosphere, love. Arguments lead to stress and anxiety, not peace and pleasantness. Tell yourself: I love my spouse, I love my kids, I love my money (divorces cost a lot of money).

7.Don't be foolish to show disrespect to your partner and to yourself by saying things that are damaging, mean or not worthwhile. You chose this person to be your husband/wife. This is the person above all others who has the qualities to be chosen over the other billions of people on this earth.

8.Turn the argument into a discussion. Don't defend yourself only; give an idea or problem to be clarified. People of good will who reason together can come to a common decision. Listen with an open mind. Be a judge, not a lawyer!

9.Ask yourself, "Is this argument really necessary?" In the end, whatever you are arguing about may not seem so important in the real sense.

Can't We Just Forgive And Forget

2007-06-12T18:26:00.000+08:00

Offenses are common, and the offender usually wants to be forgiven. But the offended is usually reluctant to forgive, particularly if the offender hasn't learned anything from the ordeal.

But if forgiveness is difficult, forgetting can be downright impossible for many spouses. How can people be expected to forget some of the most painful experiences of their lives?

In every relationship you're involved in, it’s inevitable that something will happen in the relationship that will cause you to be upset with the other person or the other person will be upset with you.
Now, we've all heard the expression "forgive and forget" but we believe that "forgive and forget" doesn't serve you.
We believe that in most cases, you really don't forget and here's why.
Have you ever had the feeling that the harder you try to "forget" something, the more you end up focusing on it.
If someone says to you, "Don't think of the color blue" "Don't think of the color blue" "Don't think of the color blue," no matter how hard you try, you probably can't stop visualizing or thinking about the color blue.
The same thing happens when you try to "forget" a negative situation that has an emotional charge to it. No matter how hard you try, you just can't seem to do it.
We believe that instead of forgiving and forgetting, you have to forgive and let go. But let go of what?
In almost all cases when you are having a difficult time forgiving someone, you are holding on to an attachment of some kind or another.

The attachments most commonly manifest themselves in the need to be justified, the need to be honored, the need to be right, the need to be vindicated, the desire for revenge, and the inability to move past fear.

So when you are holding onto an attachment, what you are actually doing is holding onto a position which is serving you in some way but it is not moving you forward in healing the relationship.

What is forgiving and forgetting in a relationship?

2007-06-08T18:39:00.000+08:00

1. Forgiving is allowing another person to be human for faults, mistakes, or misdeeds. Forgetting is putting these behind you; they are no longer brought up and no longer remain a barrier to your relationship.
2. Forgiving is letting another know that there is no grudge, hard feelings, or animosity for any wrongdoing. Forgetting is the lack of further discussion, with no ongoing negative references to the event.
3. Forgiving is letting the other person know that you accept as genuine the remorse and sorrow for actions or words that hurt or disappointed you. Forgetting is promising that this deed, whether of omission or commission, will not be brought up again.
4. Forgiving is accepting the sincerity of penance, sorrow, and regret expressed over a grievous personal offense; making it sufficient to clear the air. Forgetting is your commitment to let go of anger, hurt, and pain over this offense.
5. Forgiving is giving a sign that a person's explanation or acceptance of blame for a destructive, hurtful, or painful act is fully accepted. Forgetting is the development of a plan of action between the two of you to heal the scars resulting from the behavior.
6. Forgiving is the highest form of human behavior that can be shown to another person. It is the opening up of yourself to that person to be vulnerable to being hurt or offended in the future, yet setting aside this in order to reopen and heal the channels of communication. Forgetting is equally as high a human behavior; it is letting go of the need to seek revenge for past offenses.
7. Forgiving is the act of love between you and a person who has hurt you; the bandage that holds the wound together long enough to heal. Forgetting is also an act of love; in rehabilitation therapy, helping the wounded return to a full, functional, living reality.
8. Forgiving is the God like gift of spiritually connecting with others, touching their hearts to calm the fear of rejection, quiet the sense of failure, and lighten the burden of guilt. Forgetting is the God like gift of spiritually touching others' hearts with the reassurance of a happy and full life with no fear of recrimination, remonstrations, or reminding of past offenses.
9. Forgiving is the act of letting go of temporary ill will, disappointment, or the disgust that arises from the break in your relationship. Forgetting is bridging this gap in the relationship, eventually strengthening it against such a break in the future.
10. Forgiving is an act of compassion, humanity, and gentleness by which you let another know that she/he is indeed a child of the universe upon whom a variety of graces and blessings have been showered and that current or past offenses need not be a barrier preventing goodness and worth to shine through. Forgetting is the act of encouragement, support, and reinforcement by which you assist the other person to rebuild, reconnect and re-establish a loving, caring, healthy relationship with you, others, and the world whereby gifts, talents, and skills are freely appreciated and shared.
information compiled from Tools for Relationships by James J. Messina

2007-06-04T17:06:00.000+08:00

Send me One Million FREE Guaranteed Visitors

EGO

2007-06-03T20:16:00.000+08:00

What is Ego ?
It is deeply ingrained, compulsive need to remain separate and superior at all times, in all places, under all circumstances, it is experienced as an emotional quagmire of fear and attachment.

It is part of you that is fully occupied in its personal fears and desires and lives only for itself. Ego is an anti –evolutionary force of powerful inertia in human nature, attached to the past, terrified of change.

On the positive note it is also a self organizing principle, that coordinates the different aspects of the self. ( Ref: Andrew Cohen home page)

Ego is very universal and Mark Twain rightly said : ‘There is'nt a parallel of Latitude but thinks it would have been the Equator if had its right !!’ The real problem is that if I am egoistic, I will never accept the fact, and that makes it difficult.

However, once a person becomes aware, once self realization dawns, the problem of over coming it becomes easier. Understanding ego is the first step.

For inducing Happiness, medical science has discovered drugs like Prozac, unfortunately for ego no such patented drugs are in the market. However, sages through the ages have dwelt deeply on the subject, and have applied their awakened mind and spiritual powers, and have handed down to us sure shot remedies to over come Ego.

As stated earlier Ego is deeply ingrained in every one, so how to control your ego ?

I quote a sage who said : ‘ If you find that you cannot drive off this feeling of ‘I’,
Then let it remain as the ‘servant I’ there is no fear from the ego, which is centered in the thought – ‘ I am the servant of God; I am his devotee’

A piece of rope, when burnt, retains its form, but cannot serve to bind, so is the ego which is burnt by the fire of supreme Knowledge.

The wise man always says, “ It is Thou, O Lord, it is Thou” but the ignorant and deluded say “ It is I, it is I”

I recommend the following ‘mind pills’ as medical science has yet to find some drug to combat the malady of ego. Hope it will work wonders with your psyche, and you will be able to control ego. The first one will surely prove very effective.

E G O stands for Edging God Out - Anonymous

When a man is wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty small package. John Ruskin

Attachment to things, keep alive a thousand useless ‘I’s in a man. These ‘I’s must die in order that a big ‘I’ may be born. But how can this be made to die ? They do not want to die. It is at this point that the possibility of awakening comes to the rescue. To awaken means to realize one’s nothingness. Gurdjieff, G.I.

The ring always believes that the finger lives for it. Malcom de Chazal

When shall I be free ?
When that ‘I’ vanishes from you, ‘I’ and ‘mine’ – this is ignorance; ‘Thou’ and ‘Thine’- that is true knowledge. Ramakrishna Paramhansa.

There are many such awakened thoughts that will help one control their Ego, but I will end here by just quoting one, which is a beauty.

Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in one’s own sunshine.
Ralph Emerson.

2007-05-30T17:31:00.000+08:00

2007-05-30T17:08:00.001+08:00

DEPRESSION

2007-05-21T00:05:00.000+08:00

Causes, Symptoms, and Treatment

by Joseph M. Carver, Ph.D., Psychologist

Introduction:
Depression is perhaps the most common of all mental health problems, currently felt to affect one in every four adults to some degree.
Depression is a problem with mood / feeling in which the mood is described as sad, feeling down in the dumps, being blue, or feeling low.
While the depressed mood is present, evidence is also present which reflects the neurochemical or "brain chemistry" aspects of depression with the depressed individual experiencing poor concentration/attention, loss of energy, accelerated thought/worry, sleep/appetite disturbance, and other physical manifestations.

When this diagnosis is present, the individual will exhibit at least five of the following symptoms during the depressive periods:
Depressed mood, most of the day or every day

Markedly diminished interest in all or almost all activities

Significant weight loss or gain or appetite disturbance

Insomnia or excessive sleeping

Psychomotor agitation or retardation (restlessness)

Low energy level or chronic tiredness

Feelings of inadequacy, loss of self-esteem, and/or self-deprecation

Decreased attention, concentration, or ability to think clearly

Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide, an expressed desire to be dead.

Causes of Depression:
Depression can occur under many circumstances but most commonly is present in these two situations:
Sudden Severe Loss In this situation, the individual has experienced a sudden, perhaps surprising severe loss. This loss may be the death of a loved one, loss of a job, loss of friendship, or other grief process.

In this type of depression, the patient can clearly identify what is creating the depressed mood.Long-term High Stress Level In this situation, the patient is depressed but can't quite put their finger on the cause, the "I'm depressed but I don't know why" condition.
Imagine running a video tape of your life, reviewing the past 18 months. Look at the stress you've been under, the amount of responsibility, the number of pressures, and the number of hassles. In actual clinical practice, this cause of depression is seen more often than sudden loss.

This type of depression creeps up on you. When this type of depression is experienced, the patient offers comments such as: "I don't know what's wrong!" "I don't know how I feel." "My feelings are numb.
"Brain Chemistry and Depression:The human brain operates, much like your automobile, on fluids called neurotransmitters. Just as your automobile has brake fluid, antifreeze, transmission fluid, and oil - your brain runs on these neurotransmitters.
Some give us energy, like those related to adrenalin, some control body movements ("dopamine" as an example), and some control mood.The brain neurotransmitter often associated with depression is called serotonin. Serotonin is the brain's "oil", a rather slow-acting neurotransmitter that is associated with sleep, appetite, energy, alertness, and mood - just to name a few.
Using the automobile as an example, if we drive our car to California at a speed of 120 mile per hour, running the engine hot for a long time, it would obviously use more oil.
As long as we provided gas, however, it would continue to run. Now suppose in our trip that for every two quarts of oil we burn, we only replace one quart. By the time we reached California we'd be several quarts low and our engine would be obviously overworked and overheated.
During long-term high stress, the brain burns its' oil, serotonin, at a higher rate.
The bottom line in depression and stress: The brain burns up more serotonin than it can replace! In the end result, after many months of severe stress, the brain is using serotonin faster than it can create/replace it.
Your neurochemical level of serotonin drops and you become depressed.
You'll know your Serotonin level is low (and depression is here) by the following symptoms:

1. Most depressed folks experience early morning awakening, usually around 4:00 am (farmers are exempted). Serotonin, you see, controls our sleep cycle.

2. Concentration and attention will drop. Depressed children/students will experience a drop in grades. You'll start putting odd things in the refrigerator (a bowling ball is the office record!), forget why you went to the grocery, and become very forgetful and scatterbrained at work/home.

3. You'll lose physical energy. You can sleep for ten hours and you'll still be bone tired. You will cry at the drop of a hat - driving down the highway, doing dishes, sitting at work, etc.

4. Sexual interest, appetite, and general interest will rapidly drop. You will stop answering the phone, stop visiting friends/relatives, and pull the blinds.

5. Most dangerous - your mind speed will increase. Your mind will race at what seems like 200 miles per hour. Depressed people often tell their doctor "I can't get my mind to stop!" The minute you wake up in the morning - it will start up. Your brain will then turn against you. It will reach in your memory and pull out every bad memory it can find - abuse as a child, failed relationships, etc. - anything to make you feel bad and especially guilty. You will be tortured by your own thoughts.

6. As your mind speed picks up, the "garbage truck" will arrive. While the brain is already torturing you with the past, it will create/invent new ideas/thoughts to torture you. In every case of depression, if the depression stays long enough, you will receive the same "garbage" thoughts from your mind. You will be told:
you are a burden to your family/friends
you have failed/disappointed your family
no one really cares about you
your children would be better raised by someone else
your family would be better off without you
your spouse would be better off without you
you are going crazy and there's no hope
it would be better if you weren't around
you would be better off dead
you should probably kill yourself
If you're depressed - then you already know about the garbage truck. It's almost impossible to explain this part, and the excessive mind speed, to someone who has never been seriously depressed. If your depression goes untreated, this constant "garbage" will totally destroy your self-confidence. Try as you may, you will be unable to control this part of depression.

7. As part of the "garbage truck", your mind will try to make you as uncomfortable as possible. You may be flooded with thoughts of violence (against yourself and others), you'll think you are condemned by God, or you'll think you deserve this condition for some reason. Your garbage will also tell you that if you seek professional help (physician, psychologist, psychiatrist, etc.) that you'll be committed to an institution forever.

8. When depressed, your brain begins running a mental "video tape" of your worst hits/experiences. If married, a mental tape of the marriage is played daily, only focusing on the worst experiences. If you are young, you will suddenly become preoccupied with your upbringing, who got the best gym shoes, the favorite child, the car you never received.
Frequent if not constant thoughts and preoccupations about past problems and issues is a common sign of depression.In short, depression is a neurochemical reaction to severe and prolonged stress, either suddenly surfacing or gradually creeping up on you over a period of many months. The treatment for this dark cloud is much easier than you think.

Current Treatment for Depression:Treatment for depression frequently involves two programs, one using antidepressant medication and the other repairing the damage done by months of "garbage".
In all current research, the best way to recover from a severe depression is using both methods.

Medication Treatment: Remember the automobile example, being several quarts low after running too hot for too long. Depression is treated medically in a similar manner - we add a few quarts of oil until the fluid level (Serotonin) is normal.
In depression, we use antidepressant medication to "add" the brain's oil, in most cases, Serotonin. An antidepressant medication slowly increases the Serotonin in the brain. Prozac, Zoloft, and the newest "Paxil" are antidepressants especially made for this purpose.
They form a new class of antidepressant medications, SSRI's, or Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors.As in the automobile, as your "oil" level goes up, your symptoms go down.
Most antidepressant medications require at least four to six weeks to increase the serotonin level significantly although you'll notice improvements after the first week.
Antidepressant medications, the SSRI's for example, often stop crying spells in five to seven days and stop the "garbage truck" in five to ten days.

Psychological Treatment: Psychologists and other therapists work with you to repair the damage done by the "garbage", helping you sort out reality from what your brain has fed you over the past many months.
Many people feel going to a psychologist or therapist involves laying on a couch and talking about your toilet training during childhood - Nonsense! Modern psychologists are experts in not only brain chemistry, but how to repair "thinking" damage and rebuild/reconstruct your confidence.
The combination of medication and therapy is extremely effective.
Usually, successful treatment for severe depression involves both medication and therapy/counseling.
With both, you can expect normal sleep to return first, followed by a slowing of mind speed and the garbage truck leaving.

Some General Thoughts:
1. Depression is the most common mental health problem treated by modern psychologists and psychiatrists.
In most cases, hospitalization is not required unless you have waited until you have active suicidal thoughts.
2. If you are depressed, expect your brain to be filled with mental garbage - get ready for it! During this time, do not take action on those garbage thoughts and make no major changes in your life. It's best to wait until the garbage truck leaves before making decisions that will or may change our life.

3. Depression has been researched by physicians, psychologists, psychiatrists, scientists, and others. Listen to the advice of your professionals who study depression - not your neighbors or your aunt Gladys. If placed on medication, you may be told "Don't take that Dope!". Remember, the people giving you advice don't have a 200 mile-per-hour garbage truck following them! Stick with professional opinion. Depression is a chemical problem, not caused by demons, devils, poor eating habits, a new moon, or other old-wives tales.

4. You may have other symptoms with your depression, such as severe anxiety or agitation (pacing, no sleep at all, "hyper", etc.). That only means another neurochemical has kicked in. In these cases, a psychiatrist can best select the medication for the combination of anxiety and depression.

5. When you are depressed, those who love you will become a pain-in-the-butt. They will "bug" you constantly, trying to cheer you up, giving you advice ("snap out of it" is most common), and trying to be by your side. Children will become shadows when their mother is depressed, almost protecting Mom. Be prepared for this.

6. During depression, remember that your brain goes on a bad-memory hunt, looking for old memories to torture you. Be prepared to relive or re-feel old hurts, old doubts, old guilt, and old sorrows. Be curious about what memory files the brain selects rather than focus on those memories. You can expect your brain to constantly replay the video tape (your "worst hits" tape) of your life. You'll feel guilty for things you did as a child, mistakes you made ten years ago, etc. You'll live in the past as long as the depression remains. It may interest you to know that as the serotonin level increases, the "past" returns to the past as a memory - not a torture.

7. As your brain tortures you, it may "lock on" horrible thoughts. You may feel you have a terminal disease. You may become preoccupied with guns, evil thoughts, etc. Often, individuals feel they are somehow contaminated by a killer disease, fearing they will pass it to their family. One husband brought his wife in for treatment when she began fixing breakfast in a surgical mask and rubber gloves!
One man sought treatment at the office after nailing his closet door shut with 148 nails - his brain became preoccupied with the shotgun in that closet, telling him to kill his family and then himself.In other depressed situations, people become obsessed with other issues, almost always "the road not taken".
Often viewed as mid-life crisis, a straight-laced businessman now wants a Harley and a tattoo while another individual begins suddenly thinking about a past sweetheart. In almost all of these situations, the individual acts totally out of character.

8. All depressed folks look for escapes. Common methods of trying to escape depression are excessive alcohol use, drugs, sexual relationships, changing jobs, etc.
A lot of good marriages are lost during these times as the spouse of the depressed partner hears "I've got to have space" or "I've got to get away and find myself!" You'll find these escapes don't work. These methods only complicate your depression and your recovery. Best bet - don't make changes, just get to a professional.

9. Most people classify all medications that act on emotions as "nerve pills".
This is far from the truth. Psychiatrists actually have medications for anxiety / nervousness and those for depression.
Different brain chemicals are involved in each condition and many people make the serious mistake of taking an antianxiety medication for their "nerves", thinking they are treating their depression - Wrong!
While you will be calmer, you will stay depressed. It's like drinking six beers for a broken arm - you might feel the pain less but your arm is still broken. A psychiatrist is most qualified to select the proper medication for your condition.

10. If you are placed on medication, don't expect an immediate recovery.
With antidepressants, it's similar to refilling the oil in the car, only at 1/8th of a quart a day. As you continue to take the medication, your mood will slowly improve as the serotonin level increases in the brain.
When depressed, every day is bad and full of mental garbage. As medication continues, you'll have a bad, then good day.
As serotonin gets higher, you'll have a bad morning, then three good days. In short, it's bad-and-good at first, then finally good days with routine hassles.
No one is happy all the time. People that are happy all the time are institutionalized - it's not normal. "Normal" is a good mood with normal reactions to the stress of everyday life.

11. In selecting a therapist/counselor, each one is different. All have different personalities, styles, and attitudes.
Select one that has your style and most important - somebody that makes sense.
If you meet one that says "I don't believe in medications" - get out of there! That therapist is about thirty years behind modern treatment.
Often, your family physician is in a position to recommend the best therapist in your area.
You can also look for signs of acceptance in the professional community, such as hospital privileges. You may have to shop around to find a therapist right for you.
As a word of caution, many inexperienced therapists or those with limited training may miss the fact that you are depressed.
You may arrive at the therapist office preoccupied about something in your childhood that actually happened 20 years ago.
You may also fool your family physician with multiple physical complaints as when Serotonin is low, all body systems seem to go haywire.
A properly trained therapist will not only asked about your life and upbringing, but about the physical aspects of your situation; your sleep, sexual interest, concentration, and other indicators of low-serotonin depression or stress.
The inexperienced therapist might focus on the "garbage truck" thoughts and miss the big picture, the presence of depression.
If you are clinically depressed, weekly discussions of your past as told by the garbage truck will only prolong your depression and possibly intensify it.
If in doubt, consult your family physician to obtain a medical/physical view of the situation as most physicians are usually trained to recognize the indications of low-serotonin depression.
If you think depression is part of the problem, ask your family physician to refer you to a psychiatrist or psychologist in your area.

12. Depression affects more than the individual with the depression - it's a family-and-friends problem as well.
If your spouse is depressed, he or she may be constantly talking about the history of the marriage and relationship. Remember, the "garbage truck" is running in their brain, thinking of every bad thing that has been done, said, or not done.
The spouse that isn't depressed is frequently "dumped on" with hundreds of accusations and thoughts that are long after-the-fact and totally beyond correction at this point.
The nondepressed spouse may suddenly learn that their partner never did like their hairstyle, their mother, their choice of automobile, or the price of the house.
The nondepressed spouse will hear many "thoughts" that were present at the time of marital decisions, often years ago, but were never mentioned.
The non depressed spouse may be awakened at night with accusations and complaints that may last for hours.
The nondepressed spouse will be made to feel responsible for these unspoken wishes and will be helpless as the depressed spouse lists mistakes and misunderstandings that have taken place during the entire marriage/relationship.
Even though they might have been discussed at the time, the nondepressed spouse will receive much blame for past events.
If your son or daughter is depressed, they may suddenly withdraw from the family or become hostile.
Due to their youth, most of their life experience is associated with the family, remembering that family experiences makes up 70 percent of their mental video tape.
For this reason, the "garbage truck" will be reviewing every mistake or issue in their upbringing.
In such cases, the parents are "dumped on" with what they did wrong, bad decisions they've made in raising the son/daughter, or feelings that were never discussed related to their brothers or sisters.
With the low self-esteem created by the depression and stress, the son/daughter may be intensely rejecting, as though feeling they must reject the parents before the parents have a chance to reject them.
The anger and hostility is often so strong that parents miss the fact that their son/daughter is depressed - they're too busy dealing with accusations or hostility to see the depressed mood.
Older sons and daughters may start apologizing for their behavior in their childhood, seeking forgiveness - despite the fact that they are now parents themselves.
Parents may be shocked to find that their depressed married son/daughter is suddenly thinking of divorce in a circumstance that is "out of the blue" and totally unexpected.If a friend is depressed, they will suddenly have no interest in maintaining your friendship.
They'll stop calling, visiting, or writing. If your depressed best friend suddenly gives you their most prized possession or asks you to be included in their will to take care of their children - be on the alert!
Such behaviors are often part of a suicide plan in which the depressed friend wants to "take care of business" before they leave this earth.
At that point, a heart-to-heart talk is needed, perhaps offering to accompany them to a professional's office for help.
Many depressed individuals are brought to the office by their parents, friends, ministers, union stewards, or work supervisors.Conclusions:Depression, at some level, will hit every adult eventually.
While most depressions are brief, with our serotonin gradually returning as stress decreases, when depression comes and stays you may need professional treatment to recover. If you think you may have depression, obtain an opinion from a mental health or medical professional. That professional can then guide you in the direction of additional treatment and/or possible medication.
Depression is no longer a mystery and is easily treated by modern methods. Treatment is usually short-term, there's no lying on a couch, and your insurance covers most of the charges.
Your community mental health professionals are your clinical psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, and those at your community health-care facilities.

SIBLING RIVALRY

2007-05-15T18:36:00.000+08:00

Just came across this beautiful article with a lot of awareness on how to deal with Siblings and their Rivalry. A very intereting article for all the parents.

"Dad, she's in my room getting into my things again!"

"Mom, he won't stop annoying me!"

"Me first! Me first! Me first!"

Sound familiar? If you have more than one child, the answer is probably "yes," because these are the sounds of sibling rivalry or sibling conflict.

While many kids are lucky enough to become the best of friends with their siblings, it's very common for brothers and sisters to fight. (It's also common for them to swing back and forth between adoring and detesting one other!)

Often, sibling rivalry starts even before the second child is born, and continues as the kids grow and compete for everything from toys to attention. As kids reach different stages of development, their evolving needs can significantly affect how they relate to one another.

It can be frustrating and upsetting to watch — and hear — your kids fight with one another. A household that's full of conflict is stressful for everyone. Yet often it's hard to know how to stop the fighting, and or even whether you should get involved at all. But you can take steps to promote peace in your household and help your kids get along.

Why Do My Kids Fight? Many different things can cause siblings to fight. Most brothers and sisters experience some degree of jealousy or competition, and this can flare into squabbles and bickering. But other factors also might influence how often kids fight and how severe the fighting gets. These include:

Evolving needs. It's natural for kids' changing needs, anxieties, and identities to affect how they relate to one another. For example, toddlers are naturally protective of their toys and belongings, and are learning to assert their will, which they'll do at every turn. So if a baby brother or sister picks up the toddler's toy, the older child may react aggressively. School-age kids often have a strong concept of fairness and equality, so might not understand why siblings of other ages are treated differently or feel like one child gets preferential treatment. Teenagers, on the other hand, are developing a sense of individuality and independence, and might resent helping with household responsibilities, taking care of younger siblings, or even having to spend time together. All of these differences can influence the way kids fight with one another.

Individual temperaments. Your kids' individual temperaments — including mood, disposition, and adaptability — and their unique personalities play a large role in how well they get along. For example, if one child is laid back and another is easily rattled, they may often get into it. Similarly, a child who is especially clingy and drawn to parents for comfort and love might be resented by siblings who see this and want the same amount of attention.

Special needs/sick kids. Sometimes, a child's special needs due to illness or learning/emotional issues may require more parental time. Other kids may pick up on this disparity and act out to get attention or out of fear of what's happening to the other child.

Role models. The way that parents resolve problems and disagreements sets a strong example for kids. So if you and your spouse work through conflicts in a way that's respectful, productive, and not aggressive, you increase the chances that your children will adopt those tactics when they run into problems with one another. If your kids see you routinely shout, slam doors, and loudly argue when you have problems, they're likely to pick up those bad habits themselves.

What Can I Do When the Fighting Starts? While it may be common for brothers and sisters to fight, it's certainly not pleasant for anyone in the house. And a family can only tolerate a certain amount of conflict. So what should you do when the fighting starts?

Whenever possible, don't get involved. Step in only if there's a danger of physical harm. If you always intervene, you risk creating other problems. The kids may start expecting your help and wait for you to come to the rescue rather than learning to work out the problems on their own. There's also the risk that you — inadvertently — make it appear to one child that another is always being "protected," which could foster even more resentment. By the same token, rescued kids may feel that they can get away with more because they're always being "saved" by a parent.

If you're concerned by the language used or name-calling, it's appropriate to "coach" kids through what they're feeling by using appropriate words. This is different from intervening or stepping in and separating the kids.

Even then, encourage them to resolve the crisis themselves. If you do step in, try to resolve problems with your kids, not for them.

When getting involved, here are some steps to consider:

Separate kids until they're calm. Sometimes it's best just to give them space for a little while and not immediately rehash the conflict. Otherwise, the fight can escalate again. If you want to make this a learning experience, wait until the emotions have died down.

Don't put too much focus on figuring out which child is to blame. It takes two to fight — anyone who is involved is partly responsible.

Next, try to set up a "win-win" situation so that each child gains something. When they both want the same toy, perhaps there's a game they could play together instead.

Remember, as kids cope with disputes, they also learn important skills that will serve them for life — like how to value another person's perspective, how to compromise and negotiate, and how to control aggressive impulses.

Helping Kids Get Along Simple things you can do every day to prevent fighting include:

Set ground rules for acceptable behavior. Tell the kids that there's no cursing, no name-calling, no yelling, no door slamming. Solicit their input on the rules — as well as the consequences when they break them. This teaches kids that they're responsible for their own actions, regardless of the situation or how provoked they felt, and discourages any attempts to negotiate regarding who was "right" or "wrong."

Don't let kids make you think that everything always has to be "fair" and "equal" — sometimes one kid needs more than the other.

Be proactive in giving your kids one-on-one attention directed to their interests and needs. For example, if one likes to go outdoors, take a walk or go to the park. If another child likes to sit and read, make time for that too.

Make sure kids have their own space and time to do their own thing — to play with toys by themselves, to play with friends without a sibling tagging along, or to enjoy activities without having to share 50-50.

Show and tell your kids that, for you, love is not something that comes with limits.

Let them know that they are safe, important, and needed, and that their needs will be met.

Have fun together as a family. Whether you're watching a movie, throwing a ball, or playing a board game, you're establishing a peaceful way for your kids to spend time together and relate to each other. This can help ease tensions between them and also keeps you involved. Since parental attention is something many kids fight over, fun family activities can help reduce conflict.

If your children frequently squabble over the same things (such as video games or dibs on the TV remote), post a schedule showing which child "owns" that item at what times during the week. (But if they keep fighting about it, take the "prize" away altogether.)

If fights between your school-age children are frequent, hold weekly family meetings in which you repeat the rules about fighting and review past successes in reducing conflicts. Consider establishing a program where the kids earn points toward a fun family-oriented activity when they work together to stop battling.

Recognize when kids just need time apart from each other and the family dynamics. Try arranging separate play dates or activities for each kid occasionally. And when one child is on a play date, you can spend one-on-one time with another.

Keep in mind that sometimes kids fight to get a parent's attention. In that case, consider taking a time-out of your own. When you leave, the incentive for fighting is gone. Also, when your own fuse is getting short, consider handing the reins over to the other parent, whose patience may be greater at that moment.

Getting Professional Help. In a small percentage of families, the conflict between brothers and sisters is so severe that it disrupts daily functioning, or particularly affects kids emotionally or psychologically. In those cases, it's wise to get help from a mental health professional. Seek help for sibling conflict if it:

is so severe that it's leading to marital problems
creates a real danger of physical harm to any family member
is damaging to the self-esteem or psychological well-being of any family member
may be related to another psychiatric disorder, such as depression.

TEENAGE DEPRESSION

2007-05-15T18:00:00.000+08:00

Teenage Depression on Rise.

Take control of your teen age depression.

For the teen age person and their parents. This truly is a world wide illness, all over the world.

This illness has been around as long as life itself. We can find out the signs by observing our thoughts on many aspects of your life.

Do you stay in bed all day? Do you get angry for no reason? Is your grades declining in school? Do you have the I do not care attitude about anything like how you talk or how you look. Do you feel like you are not worth any thing? Have the feeling that no body cares about you?

These are some of the signs of teen depression.

Do not ignore these signs.

There are ways to get help and control all of these feelings. Do not tell your teen to get a life, to get over it or how hard you had it in life as you grew up. This just fuels the fire.

Depression smolders for time and then you feel you are slowly slipping away. There is hope.

Do not give up! Know you are not alone and their are thousands of teens who feel the same way you do. Guess what, adults suffer from this illness also.

So see you really are not alone. Lets get you some help.

You need to go see your doctor. Be truthful, do not be afraid. This is okay. Seek counseling.

This does work. It may seem lame to you at first but give it a try and stick with it!!!!!

Start to believe in your self. You are important and always will be important.
Talking helps get your feelings know out loud.

When you do this you can start to address your thoughts.

Then you can start to climb that mountain with out running out of breath.
When you finally reach the top you will be able to see all the beautiful things in this world.

You will also see the bad, but that is okay because you will see them in a whole new way and be able to handle these situations in a different way.

There is hope for you and sunshine at the end of this long dark tunnel.

Remember get help, this is okay to do! Talk your problems and thoughts out and if you are recommended to take medicine than take that medicine.

Its okay, I call it the wonders of happy feelings for the rest of your life.

Take control of teen depression, so you have the chance to become a happy adult.

For more information visit www.letscuredepress ion.com